The 5: Jessie Jolles Picks the Top 5 Ridiculous Romances: Rom-Film Moments That Stink on Ice

Jessie Jolles is a NY based comic who currently works as a writer/director for Betches Media creating viral video content for the millennial female brand. This past February, Jessie launched the first original digital series with Just For Laughs. Jessie’s series “It’s a Date!” is a feminist series and she is  pushing boundaries with short form content about period sex and splitting the bill on the first date. A humorous take on the ups and downs of dating in the modern age delivered via tips from Jessie who is forever single and definitely not bitter about it has decided that she might be the perfect teacher because as we know, coaches don’t play. It’s a bold move considering the JFL audience is primarily male, but that isn’t stopping Jolles from pushing ahead.  Watch episodes like Should We Go Dutch?, Only Psychos Don’t Have Netflix, and Mosted is the New Ghosted.

Jessie gave us this week’s edition of The 5, using her knowledge of all things dating to take a look at the 5 most ridiculous iconic romantic moments on film.

Where do we learn about romance? Movies…and that’s the problem. Hollywood isn’t a good date, he’s a player! So I decided to breakdown some iconic romantic movies and point out all the issues that actually make them insane.

#1 Clueless. Cher and Josh. The movie we all learned that our closets are actually total shit and should have a digital and rotating feature. It’s also the movie where we saw Cher fall for Josh, who liked her for who she was inside, and happened to be right in front of her the whole time. He was also her stepbrother…EW! Yeah we forget about that small little detail that Josh and Cher are RELATED! We also forget that he’s a freshman in college and therefore 18 and Cher is in high School and barely 16! So it’s not only EW, it’s illegal. The pairing of Cher and Josh wasn’t romantic, it was clueless.

#2 Fault in Our Stars. Well I certainly found the fault in this movie and I didn’t even have to go more than halfway. When our two stars are in Amsterdam they decide to go to the Anne Frank house. Then they decide it’s also the perfect place for their first kiss. I mean what’s more romantic than a DEAD GIRLS HOME!?! You can even hear Anne’s voice in the background. Then because apparently everyone is bored in the Anne Frank house and is looking around when our stars stop kissing everyone in the Anne Frank house starts clapping. I’ll repeat that, EVERYONE IN THE ANNE FRANK HOUSE START CLAPPING?!?! They all decide, you know what? Forget the holocaust, these kids are kissing? Not romantic just insane. Should be called the fault in our kiss.

#3 Never been Kissed. Josie and Sam. The movie we see Drew Barrymore go undercover as a high school student for a story but she ends up falling in love. We find out she’s never been kissed and ends up writing the article about her experience and how she fell in love with her teacher who she wants to be her first kiss. We sit hoping her teacher forgives her for lying and makes our romantic dreams come true. Then it hits you…wait he was her teacher. He was falling in love with her in the movie but when he finds out she’s been lying and was undercover he gets upset…but shouldn’t he be THANKING HIS LUCKY STARS! He should be thrilled he’s not getting arrested. Teachers who kiss students are FIRED and go to JAIL! A teacher should not be thinking about a student in a romantic way and yet here we are. SPOILER: He shows up, they kiss in front of everyone, and that’s no big deal. In fact, we call that romanic? Bottomline, she should have never been kissed.

#4 The Notebook. Noah and Allie. Hailed as one of the most romantic movies in history but let me remind you of how it all started. Noah sees Aliie and decides he’s in love immediately, which isn’t the insane part it’s just the part I roll my eyes at aggressively, so he decides he needs to ask her out. She is on a date with another man but that doesn’t stop him, I mean sure he could wait for another time but screw it love it crazy, so he asks her out and she says no. He decides to go home and respect her decision…oh wait, that doesn’t happen. He then climbs onto the ferris wheel and asks her out while dangling from a high bar. He asks her out again but again she says no. Then he hangs with only one arm and asks her again. So he is essentially threatening to commit suicide(or at least break a lot of bones) if she doesn’t say yes AND THAT”S ROMANTIC? No that’s insane! A guy who doesn’t take no for an answer is a guy to avoid. Do not take a page out of this notebook.

#5 Love Actually. What a movie! So many story lines and so little time. Let’s talk about the moment where Keira Knightly is serenaded with music from her husbands best friend professing his love to her. First off and friendly reminder for those of us who haven’t watched in years, this guy is a jerk! He is mean to her the whole time and we don’t know why…we just think he is a jerk, which he is so actually we were correct. But when he shows up with the signs and the fake music we find out he is actually in love with her, his best friends wife, and decides the best thing to do is to tell her. Let’s be clear, if he was actually in love with her, he would respect that fact she was just married (he was there) and realize he is selfishly doing this so he can let her go? How nice for her, now if he’s mean to her in the future, she will finally know why! How fun! Plus she has a weird secret from her newly wed husband about his best friend. What could possibly go wrong? This scene is not romanic at all, it’s selfish. Love? Actually not.

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