The 5! Kyle Bottom’s 5 Retro Nintendo Games that Ruined His Childhood in One Way or Another

SiriusXM Top Comic Finalist and Canadian comedian Kyle Bottom released his debut comedy album, Dungeon Master on 604 Records earlier this year. Born in Vancouver, his unique style has earned him appearances at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal and he’s a reagular on CBC radio. “Dungeon Master is so sweet it’ll rot your teeth!”” says Bottom in describing the content of his album. 604 Records President Jonathan Simkin says “Kyle Bottom made me laugh before he told a single joke. He made me laugh before he opened his mouth. He is just…funny. Fucking funny. The fact that when he opens his mouth even funnier shit comes out is just a bonus! Born comedian. A natural. I would call his humour observational absurdist, which is as awesome as it sounds.” The album is available through iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify, Amazon and all other major streaming services.

Self described as a nerd in a slacker’s body, Kyle put together a brand new edition of “The 5” focused on the Five Retro Nintendo Games that ruined his childhood in one way or another.

5. Crash and the Boys Street Games. I rented this game with my friends when I was young. It’s a street style Olympic Games, and some of the events are so difficult they nearly brought me to tears. I challenge anyone to try and finish the roof jump event. It’s pole vaulting on roof tops, but you have to grab a new pole after every jump.

Difficultly level – Supreme.

4. Ghosts & Goblins. My parents bought me this game along with my NES for Christmas 1988. I was 6 years old, and 30 years later, this is still the hardest game I’ve ever played. It is a ruthless game and should never be played by children.

Difficulty level – child abuse.

3. Final Fantasy.  Now this is actually one of my favourite games, but it’s the source of a bitter memory. My friend Max owned this game and we were playing it together during a sleepover. We reached the fire cave and it was too difficult for us, so I offered to take the game home with me and power level our team. I walked in a circle fighting monsters for the rest of the weekend. Raising the level of the team by 10 levels at least. Then I returned the game to Max… and he finished the game without me! No respect.

Difficulty level – betrayed.

2. Contra.  Another great game. Contra taught us all the Konami code, which gave us 30 lives instead of 3 to play with. Using the code, this game was fun and easy. Unfortunately my dad was a real contra fanatic. He could beat the game WITHOUT using the cheat code. I couldn’t keep up with him, so he would play single player while I watched.

Difficulty level- inferiority complex.

1. Super Mario Brothers 2 This game sucked and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot. Why is Mario gardening? Is this a gardening game? What the hell is a Birdo?

Difficulty level – awful.

Read more comedy news.