That Can’t Be Real: Sequels You Never Knew Existed

Published by Interrobang Staff at November 11, 2014

THAT CANT BE REAL

Just when you thought a film said everything it had to, some brilliant producer finds a reason to bring a project back to life. With some insane sequel that has little to nothing to do with the original, sharing only a title with it. These sequels are regulated to DVD and eventually late night television – so late only the truly insane are still awake. Below are the sequels to films no one ever wanted. Beware, there are spoilers ahead for those of you who haven’t seen any of these gems.

Jarhead 2: Field of Fire

Time Between Sequels: 9 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 0

Coming out this year in August, Jarhead 2 could be any other war movie taking place in the last couple of years. Now the Jarhead’s have to fight the Taliban and they don’t even have Jesus Walks to listen to. Think of this as the Expendables where everyone really is expendable since you don’t know anyone in the cast.

American Psycho 2

Time Between Sequels: 2 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 0

This came surprisingly quickly after the original, starring Mila Kunis before she became the Mila Kunis we now all know and love. Bret Easton Ellis, the author of American Psycho, had nothing to do with this and even commented on the whole fiasco:

“Lions Gate wanted to put a serial killer in Rules of Attraction. But Avary said no, and that’s when they decided to make American Psycho 2.I’ve even heard that they were thinking about doing American Psycho in L.A.,American Psycho in Las Vegas and making a whole franchise out of it.”

Mila’s character apparently survived an attack from the original Patrick Batemen in the first American Psycho and ends up becoming a crazed killer in the sequel. Nearly never has nothing made as little sense.

S Darko

Time Between Sequels: 8 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 1

Yes, there’s a sequel to Donnie Darko, and yes, it’s a convoluted mess. Surprisingly enough they got the actress who played his sister in the first Donnie Darko to reprise her role. In this one, Donnie’s still dead, and S. Darko goes on some unexplained, garbled, time travel adventure of her own. Lucky for us the creepy rabbit shows up again, this time as a helmet someone makes in a metal shop.

War Games Dead Code

Time Between Sequels: 25 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 1

The original cast member to show isn’t Matthew Broderick, it’s WOPR, the old computer from War Games. In War Games: Dead Code, the bad guys aren’t Russia, it’s terrorists, and there’s a new super powerful computer controlling nuke armed drones, called RIPLEY. Eventually both computers end up “fighting” each other in a game of Russian roulette with nukes and RIPLEY learns the same lesson WOPR did 25 years ago. WOPR wins and even cracks a joke at the end. Scene.

Lost Boys: The Tribe

Time Between Sequels: 21 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 1

The best part about this Lost Boys sequel is they still use Cry Little Sister. The worst part about it is that it exists. Corey Feldman shows back up as one of the Frog brothers but we learn his sibling got killed between films. Now Corey works at a surf shop by day and patrols the town for vampires at night. It’s the same movie as the first but with a newer, totally unknown cast of disposable vampires. Bonus points are added for Corey Haim showing up in the credits as a vampire.

Road House 2

Time Between Sequels: 17 Years
Original Cast Members In Sequel: 0

Dalton’s dead and his DEA agent kid’s got to go save his uncle’s bar in Louisiana. Lucky for him the other bar owner in town is the guy who killed his dad so this ends up being really convenient for everyone. Turns out Dalton’s kid can kick just as much ass as his dad, but then again, he didn’t have to fight Terry Funk.

Mean Girls 2

Time Between Sequels: 7 Years
Original Cast Members in Sequel: 1

Take Mean Girls and give it the same exact plot with unnamed, less attractive actors and you have Mean Girls 2. Somehow they were able to convince Tim Meadows to come back as the principle of the school. It’s the ten year anniversary of the original Mean Girls and the internet has gone nuts over it. Time will only tell if in 2021 the internets will feel the same way about Mean Girls 2.