Bonnie McFarlane: Twenty Five Favorite 2017 Tweets
Bonnie McFarlane Should Be In Your Twitter Top Ten
You’re already following Colin Quinn. Congratulations you already know what everyone else in America knows- that he has figured out how to use Twitter in a way that isn’t stupid. But he’s not the only one, and in an ongoing series, we are searching for and finding the best twitter accounts to follow in 2017. This week, Bonnie McFarlane.
No explanation is really needed here. She’s just hands down, flat out funny, even in 140 characters or less. Which should make everyone in the world jealous because you already know she can write with lots of words- her book, You’re Better Than Me is easily one of the best books ever written by a comedian, and also lands in our list of all time favorite memoirs. Those of you with some ambition, go read the book. Check out Bonnie’s movie, Women Aren’t Funny, and for those of you who are really lazy, here’s some easy shit to enjoy without even moving.
Enjoy a look back at 2017 through the tweets of Bonnie McFarlane.
pinned tweets are dumb af
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) May 20, 2017
OCTOBER 2017
I came home tonight and ate everything in my kitchen and then tried to tell myself it was in honor of Ralphie May.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) October 7, 2017
Today I was wearing a black turtleneck and my 10yo daughter said, "Who are you? Steven Speilberg?"
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) October 4, 2017
SEPTEMBER 2017
Hugh Hefner died. Oh, well.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 28, 2017
I can hear @richvos downstairs watching @WheelofFortune calling one or more of the contestants idiots.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 27, 2017
What if I don't want to talk politics or take selfies?
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 25, 2017
Rich just reminded me it's our 12th year anniversary. As per our agreement, he now gets to be on top.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 17, 2017
If we don't miss the bus tomorrow we'll set a new record of one in a row.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 8, 2017
AUGUST 2017
kids book idea: Are You My Uber?
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) August 29, 2017
https://twitter.com/bonniemcfarlane/status/901477024262348800
Don't walk in on someone using a squatty potty. Just don't.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) August 22, 2017
JULY 2017
Got a dog last year and lost all interest in my daughter. https://t.co/cc7z8DGQ1C
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) July 31, 2017
My husband thinks I should go on the lecture circuit with my how to stack the dishwasher speech.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) July 23, 2017
I don't judge OJ. He never murdered me!
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) July 21, 2017
oh no. https://t.co/XXxR0oumsn
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) July 3, 2017
JUNE 2017
.@iamcolinquinn and @wilsylvince figuring out this whole ‘race’ thing. #vosroast pic.twitter.com/am6aS5Ylln
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) June 29, 2017
I think you meant to put that in your drafts folder! https://t.co/DBXXWh4yx5
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) June 25, 2017
If I looked like this I'd stab myself in the stomach 9 times. https://t.co/6jptHwtNmk
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) June 24, 2017
MAY 2017
my computer cord doesn't work and watching my battery count back from 14% is a slow death I wouldn't wish on anyone
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) May 13, 2017
when people ask me for gofundme money, i offer them my lunch leftovers & they ALWAYS SAY NO & then i know they're going to spend it on drugs
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) May 4, 2017
APRIL 2017
don't drink the coffee at the holocaust center. sucks.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) April 12, 2017
I thought he was mean. #RIPDONRICKLES
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) April 6, 2017
MARCH 2017
The housewives are like the olympics of awful people. Some are better than others but only by the smallest margins.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) March 22, 2017
Uber babysitter? Anyone wanna make that happen?
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) March 5, 2017
FEBRUARY 2017
I think thigh high flat boots should be called the lazy hooker. More gems like that tonight @COMIXmohegansun!
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) February 24, 2017
Only one documented case of a vegan surviving an entire weekend at Mohegan Sun Casino.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) February 24, 2017
JANUARY 2017
That tweet about Barron Trump really shocked me. I had no idea SNL had female writers.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) January 24, 2017
Part of Katie's divorce agreement from Tom was that she can only play Jackie Kennedy for the rest of her life.
— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) January 18, 2017
