Who Knew a Woman’s Body Could Tell the Difference Between Rape Semen and Consensual Semen!?


UPDATE: Update: After getting hammered by everyone for the last two days, Todd Akin has taken it upon himself to put out an ad explaining that “..rape can lead to pregnancy.” Whew! All you rapists out there, strap up.

That’s what Tea Party Cogressman Todd Akin is saying in this clip. He’s a six term congressman and is now running for the state Senate seat in Missouri. So, if you get raped, and according to Todd Akin’s people, your body will know to not get pregnant. Make sure you use protection in your rape roleplaying, your body may get confused.

Found on thenewcivilrightsmovement.com.

68 Comments

  1. MikeInAustin

    August 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    *sigh* We’re doomed

  2. HarryParaTesties

    August 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    The sad part is that these people get voted for to begin with

    • K Dubya

      August 20, 2012 at 6:46 pm

       @HarryParaTesties 
      well said

  3. Shaggyballz74

    August 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    You hear that ladies.  Throw away your birth control and just have your man waiting in the house with a ski mask on.
     

    • BigMetsFan

      August 20, 2012 at 8:24 pm

       @Shaggyballz74 That’s the only way Pepper’s girl will have sex with him

  4. gavin_b

    August 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    “From what I understand from doctors.” This is understandable, because his research has been limited to Dr. Pepper, Dr. Zaius and Dr. Zoidberg.

  5. gavin_b

    August 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    “From what I understand from doctors.” This makes perfect sense when you realize his research has been limited to Dr. Pepper, Dr. Zaius and Dr. Zoidberg.
    Science… it’s not for everyone.

    • fezitorium

      August 20, 2012 at 5:57 pm

       @gavin_b You forgot about Dr. Gay and the Sex Bagel.

    • Narc Zito

      August 20, 2012 at 8:45 pm

       @gavin_b It’s for Thomas Dolby, though.

    • TwizzlesMcNasty

      August 20, 2012 at 8:48 pm

       @gavin_b
       that explains the scuttling.

    • Binary Daoist

      August 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

       @gavin_b  Hahahaha…I love Dr. Zoidberg, “Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!”

  6. jloneblackheart

    August 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    We need to stop letting religious schools give out diplomas.

    • CinnamonJ

      August 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm

       @jloneblackheart Seriously. EVERYONE knows that this only works in a lake or pool, where it’s IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant. 

  7. Foggy_Otis

    August 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    I got it! Just make the rapist raise the baby!

  8. mrclean417

    August 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Not anymore, hes dropped out and good riddance.  Why he couldn’t spout this shit before the primary I don’t know.  Just wish I could get a fiscal conservative in this state that didn’t want to sacrifice everyone to the baby jesus.

    • BigMetsFan

      August 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm

       @mrclean417 He dropped out? Haven’t seen that news yet. Hoping he does, but would be surprised.

      • mrclean417

        August 20, 2012 at 8:39 pm

         @BigMetsFan Ehh, fucker is fucking up like any other self righteous asshole.   Hopefully somebody will splain it to him and he’ll be gone.  Gotta do it quick so we can get someone else on the ticket.  The opposition just can’t spend enough of everyone else’s money.  This one can’t get his head out of the middle ages.  One thinks they can pass bills to control our bodies, one will spend us broke till there’s no country to force a woman to have a baby. 
         
        I’d just like a candidate that will stop handing out money AND won’t try and tell me how to whack it.

  9. Shaggyballz74

    August 20, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Life is precious till your born –then you are on your own– gotta love republicans

    • opiesthumb

      August 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm

       @Shaggyballz74 Opposed to, we’ll kill you up to and including the day your born, after that, we got you covered.

      • mrclean417

        August 20, 2012 at 8:37 pm

         @opiesthumb  @Shaggyballz74 Actually, Obama has a bill in Illinois that will put unwanted newborns in a calm, non life supporting room until the newborn expires.  Last I heard it was a janitorial closet but whats the newborn supposed to know.
         
        I obviously have embellished on this but it IS currently illinois law and it IS Obama’s doing.

  10. BigMetsFan

    August 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    ‎”The views expressed were offensive,” said Obama. “Rape is rape. And the idea that we should be parsing and qualifying and slicing what types of rape we are talking about doesn’t make sense to the American people and certainly doesn’t make sense to me. So what I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn’t have a bunch of politicians, a majority of whom are men, making health care decisions on behalf of women.”

  11. CinnamonJ

    August 20, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    “I refuse to pull out!”, Akin was later quoted as saying. 

  12. fezitorium

    August 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Is this The Onion? The Jaco Report? Has Kate Upton been on this show? I can’t wait to see this on Newsroom next season. 

  13. ptrblt100

    August 20, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    A ” legitimate rape ” as opposed  to an illegitimate rape what a fuckin jerk mind your own fuckin business dickhead. 
     

  14. opiesthumb

    August 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    “…according to Todd Akin’s people”??  How about, “according to Todd Akin” since he was the only one we’ve heard say that?  I get that you’re a big leftist Pepper and it’s tough because conservatives are all stupid and mean, but try and be an objective adult.

    • jloneblackheart

      August 20, 2012 at 7:07 pm

      @opiesthumb it is a quite popular belief among pro-lifers apparently

      • mrclean417

        August 20, 2012 at 7:23 pm

         @jloneblackheart  @opiesthumb Oh jeeze, I HOPE that women get pregnant and want to keep their child BUT in the end I just could give a fuck and don’t want to have to pay for it. 
         
        I think the number of folks that have already turned their backs on this idiot is proof enough that even his fervent believers don’t agree with that shit.  There are some like minded idiots out there buckin him up though. 
         
        And they do point out that every time that Biden sticks his foot in it he doesn’t drop off the ticket but as a party we kinda want to do it better not worse then the other side.
         
        I don’t really know.  I didn’t get to listen to Rush today to tell me what to think.

  15. MrLiamGreene

    August 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    i cant wait to abandon this sinking ship of a country. you can still smoke, fuck, abort, and pay for college in france right?!

    • Docintoxicated

      August 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm

       @MrLiamGreene  Just don’t do them all at the same time, it’s like walking and chewing bubblegum.

    • AidanLynn

      August 20, 2012 at 11:11 pm

       @MrLiamGreene Are we allowed to say France again?

  16. K Dubya

    August 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Someone needs to tell this dude you should go to Franky McDonald for weather and geological advice, not reporduction

  17. Mindyabeeswax

    August 20, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I want to rape him until his body shuts down.

    • Narc Zito

      August 20, 2012 at 8:43 pm

       @Mindyabeeswax Haha!  Gay!

  18. Franklin97

    August 20, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Don’t worry everyone. When he loses his seat he will start to collect his $250,000 a year pension that he so rightly deserves.

    • fezitorium

      August 20, 2012 at 7:06 pm

       @Franklin97 He can make WAY more as a lobbyist. Maybe he can work for Karl Rove? I’d hate to see someone this nuttily entertaining just disappear completely. 

  19. samtwopointo

    August 20, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    You know those stupid ideas you hear from your friends when you’re in 2nd grade – “you can’t get pregnant if the girl’s on top” or “if guys store too much semen, they can die”? Well, that’s what adulthood is like for the christian right

    • Docintoxicated

      August 20, 2012 at 7:05 pm

       @samtwopointo you mean “you can’t get pregnant if the girl’s asleep”

  20. Docintoxicated

    August 20, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    How do you become a legitimate rapist? Do you have to get board certified? Get a degree? What’s a good school to get a degree in Rape from? Duke? Yale? Penn State? Is Devry offering online programs in rape management? Can a woman be like “look I can’t shut down this uterus until I prove this is a legitimate rape, I need to see your card and get references from 3 of your previous victims”.
     
    Fun Biology Fact: Ducks do actually have split vaginas and when raped have the ability to shift and redirect the semen to a dead end vaginal tunnel to avoid getting forcibly impregnated.
     
    Not saying Akin rapes ducks but yeah that’s exactly what I’m saying.

    • Narc Zito

      August 20, 2012 at 8:40 pm

       @Docintoxicated Penn State.  Definitely Penn State.

  21. archg2

    August 20, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    This guy is trying to put the birth control companies outta business, com’on ladies will that pesky semen away from that egg, shut the factory down.

  22. LizSetsFire

    August 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    rape or no rape, my body knows not to get pregnant.

    • CinnamonJ

      August 20, 2012 at 8:22 pm

       @LizSetsFire Challenge accepted? 

    • BigMetsFan

      August 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm

       @LizSetsFire Come on, if women knew what to do with their bodies, we wouldn’t need politicians.

    • Peopleofsepta

      August 20, 2012 at 8:30 pm

       @LizSetsFire break out the deli counter. because the challengers are getting in line
       

    • mrclean417

      August 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm

       @LizSetsFire Fantastic!  Uh, whatcha doin tomorrow night, eh?

    • SarahMcSassyPants

      August 20, 2012 at 9:53 pm

       @LizSetsFire Amen!

    • Shaggyballz74

      August 20, 2012 at 10:16 pm

       @LizSetsFire your eggs are always to drunk to do their job.

    • TyWanon

      August 20, 2012 at 11:14 pm

      @LizSetsFire did you get a restraining order on my Semen? 🙂

  23. Narc Zito

    August 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    I can’t wait until this guy wins the election.  That will just entertain me more than Fez’s off-the-wall rants.  I’ll laugh every time I think about Missouri.

  24. TwizzlesMcNasty

    August 20, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I’m glad someone is finally standing up for all of us who know that no means yes.

  25. SarahMcSassyPants

    August 20, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    He gets his facts from Dr. Spaceman. “You boys need anything while you’re here? Some reds? Some yellows? Just got some purples in from Peru.”

    • Binary Daoist

      August 21, 2012 at 9:33 am

       @SarahMcSassyPants  Dr. Spaceman is exactly what I was thinking… and Dr. Nick Riveria.

      • SarahMcSassyPants

        August 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

         @Binary Daoist Cant wait till we hear from his lawyer, Bob Loblaw.

      • Binary Daoist

        August 22, 2012 at 10:07 am

         @SarahMcSassyPants I read all about it in his law blogs!

  26. FLprodivider66

    August 20, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    In my town the girls who get raped take the “morning after pill” and all is well…at least that’s what the last one told me she needed $60 for???

  27. TyWanon

    August 20, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I have never raped anyone…anymore

  28. kylechristo4

    August 21, 2012 at 7:54 am

    In all fairness, no one ever accused the ‘The Tea Party’ of being comprised of deep thinkers. If they simply re-branded themselves with a more accurate moniker like ‘The White Trash Idiots’ there would be much less outrage over remarks like these.

  29. kylechristo4

    August 21, 2012 at 7:54 am

    In all fairness, no one ever accused the ‘The Tea Party’ of being comprised of deep thinkers. If they simply re-branded themselves with a more accurate moniker like ‘The White Trash Idiots’ there would be much less outrage over remarks like these.

  30. Beer

    August 21, 2012 at 8:58 am

    He ment to say butt raped…he would be correct,unless it’s an alien assbaby

  31. AssWhack!

    August 21, 2012 at 9:17 am

    To legit to quit.

  32. Burley

    August 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

    hey  look another out of touch right wing conservative spouting off his religious views over something he has no idea about par for the course in this bat shit crazy election cycle to divide this country because of stupid religious belifes 

  33. Ziggy Stardust

    August 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Maybe he was referring to Whoopi Dumberg’s statement “Rape Rape” It’s not legit unless she decides Rape or Rape Rape ;   
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NX_D0Bv9M0  
     

  34. eye8yrmom

    August 21, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Fun fact: for some unexplained reason, rape actually lead to higher incidents of impregnation than consentual unprotected sex. Researchers have posited the adrenaline/egg drop theory, the victim advertises ovulation theory and the rapist 6th sense theory.
    Fertility specialist need to start handing out ski masks and duct tape before hitting the drugs and in vitro

  35. Aria Taint

    August 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Damn lemon stealing bitches I’ll teach them not to steal our lemons.

  36. SkilledDayLabor

    August 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Please die you ass swipe

  37. bmqq316

    August 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    That’s why I quit raping…I really wanted to have a baby.

  38. Devoidapop

    August 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    I’m glad that we are on the same as far as there being some punishment for rape. What a dick

  39. Aria Taint

    August 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    I can tell, if it’s not my seaman it’s rape.