The Eight Most Bizarre Moments in Super Bowl History
The Super Bowl. A celebration of athleticism, determination, and tactical strategy between the two best football teams in the world; a global example of competition, sportsmanship, and fair play.
Ahh … who are we kidding? The Super Bowl is an institutionalized celebration of gluttony, gambling, and corporate greed, where a billion or so people tune in to the same channel to get pitched Bud Light, iPhones, and boner-inducing medication as they check their squares and fill their bellies with taco dip and beer.
Sure, we watch for the game. We also read Playboy for the articles (or, to update that metaphor for 2014, visit Redtube for the pop-up ads). The game is part of the overall spectacle, along with the million-dollar commercials, the half-time show, and the glitz and glamor, but the real draw is that it is one of the few remaining communal pop cultural experiences we share. Regardless of who wins and losses, we know that people are going to be talking about “The Big Game” at the office on Monday morning, and none of us wants to miss out on the next big topic of conversation.
In its XLVIII-year history, the Super Bowl has had its share of incredible plays, but it’s also had plenty of head-scratchingly bizarre moments where things didn’t quite go as planned. Here’s a look at eight of those moments.
8. Thurman Thomas In ‘The Case of the Missing Helmet’
SUPER BOWL XXVI, 1992
After losing Super Bowl XXV in heart-wrenching fashion with Scott Norwood’s “wide right” unsuccessful field goal attempt, The Buffalo Bills had made it back to the championship game, largely on the arm of quarterback Jim Kelly and the legs of NFL MVP Thurman Thomas. When the Bills took the field for their first offensive drive, however, Thomas was on the sidelines, searching for his helmet like a dude trying to find the TV remote. The entire Bills bench joined in the frantic search, as backup Kenny Davis filled in for Thomas. As it turned out, the helmet was somehow moved to the defensive end of the bench, likely picked up by mistake by another player and then set down, though the guilty party has never been identified. Thomas had a Hall of Fame career, but part of his legacy will always be the fact that he managed to lose his own helmet during the biggest game of the year.
7. Someone Pilfers Shula’s Watch
SUPER BOWL VII, 1973
The 1972 Miami Dolphins remains the only team even to post a perfect season and win the Super Bowl with an unblemished 17-0 record. When the Dolphins ran out the clock to secure their 14-7 win over the Washington Redskins, the players hoisted coach Don Shula onto their shoulders and carried him around Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in celebration. As media and fans swarmed the field, one enterprising fan managed to snatch Shula’s watch off his wrist and make a run for it. Shula chased the guy down, exchanged some choice words, and managed to get his watch back. We would have gone for the wallet.
6. Screw ‘Sweetness,’ Let’s Hand It To The Fat Guy
SUPER BOWL XX, 1986
Imagine, for a moment, that you are Mike Ditka. Your high-powered Chicago Bears team is handily throttling the New England Patriots. Your Bears are on the 1-yard-line. You can choose to hand off the ball to your Hall of Fame running back Walter Payton, or you can hand the ball to your obese defensive lineman known for his resemblance to a kitchen appliance. What would you do? Well, that’s why you’re some chump reading a column on the Internet and not the greatest mustachioed coach of all time. One of the greatest players ever to play the game never scored a touchdown in a Super Bowl, but the man who was once immortalized in a song by The Fat Boys did.
5. Let’s Go Streaking
SUPER BOWL XXXVIII, 2004
The surprising thing isn’t so much that someone once streaked across midfield at the Super Bowl; it’s that’s it has only happened once. And it didn’t happen in the 1970s when streaking was in vogue, it happened in 2004. The bare-assed streaker sprinted his doughy self to midfield before getting a stiff shoulder tackle from New England Patriot Matt Chatman, and most likely getting the worst turf-burn off his life.
4. Lights Out
SUPER BOWL XLVII, 2013
Remember that awkward and uncomfortable 34-minute span when we had to make conversation with friends and family members instead of watching the game and dancing “Gangnam Style” (we were all doing that last year, right?)? The Mercedes-Benz Superdome lost power for more than half an hour during the game between the Ravens and the 49ers. For more than half an hour, the cameras followed players as the stretched, looked at the dimmer overheads lights, and presumably debated which Harbaugh best rocks a pair of khaki slacks.
3. The Elvis Presto 3D Halftime Spectacular
SUPER BOWL XXIII, 1989
Take 2 minutes and click on that link. This has to be seen to be believed. In unquestionably the worst Super Bowl halftime show ever, Elvis impersonator-cum-magician Elvis Presto sang, danced, and performed what was billed as “The World’s Biggest Card Trick” in a chilling performance that would make Gob Bluth uncomfortable. Oh, it was also in 3D. Prior to Presto’s “Be Bop Bamboozled 3-D” performance, Bob Costas actually provided viewers at home with detailed instructions on how to put on their 3D glasses. Elvis, a half-dozen Pointer Sisters stunt-doubles, card tricks, and high-tech visuals … Pete Rozelle really had his finger on the pulse of America. Also, in what we’re sure was an entirely unrelated event, Pete Rozelle was replaced as NFL commissioner later that same year.
2. Super Bowl XLIII Goes XXX
SUPER BOWL XLIII, 2009
Larry Fitzgerald wasn’t the only one who scored. Moments after Arizona receiver Fitzgerald scored a fourth quarter touchdown to give the Cardinals a 23-20 lead, Comcast viewers in the Tucson area were unexpectedly treated to 30 seconds of footage from a porn film from “ClubJenna,” a channel owned by Playboy. The clip featured a brunette in pigtails fondling a man’s genitals under his jeans before the guy dropped trou and went full-frontal, waving his “Tom Coughlin” for all the world to see. Tyler Durden, you are one crazy bastard.
1. The Boob
SUPER BOWL XXXVIII, 2004
Hey, did you know that Janet Jackson’s bare boob was once shown on live TV? Face it, no other moment in Super Bowl history was more talked-about than the surprise appearance of Ms. Jackson’s nipple. It was the moment that added the term “wardrobe malfunction” to the cultural lexicon. Where were you when JFK was killed? When man walked on the moon? When Justin Timberlake promised to have Janet Jackson “naked by the end of this song” … and delivered? The touchstones of generations.
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