Straight Men, Gay Looks


Our biggest movie stars have never had a problem attracting women.  They are rugged, strong and ready to swoop in and save the lady in distress.  But even our most hetero-heroes sometimes come off looking a little bit– well– what we used to call light in the loafers. You know, a friend of Dorothy. We’re talking gay.  These leading men prove that even our most masculine movie stars can show off  a little flair.  Here are some of Hollywood’s favorites caught with their hetero guard down.

* * *

#1.  John Wayne with a handbag and camel toe.

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#2. Marlon Brando gives us the wet twink off-the-shoulder look.

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#3. Clint Eastwood demonstrates the short shorts workout.

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#4. Liam Neeson: A little denim and a bare ass on the rocks.

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#5. Steve McQueen, working out and teasing the V.

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#6. Gary Cooper is a gay dream and a PETA nightmare.

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#7.  Don Cheadle’s finger sucking cowboy look.

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#8.  Harrison Ford. It’s Indiana Jones and the Bikini of Doom.

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#9. Mark Wahlberg. This is the guy who turned down “Brokeback Mountain”!?

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#10.  It’s Bear on Bear with Burt Reynolds

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#11. Hey Burt Lancaster, nice bush!

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#12.  What makes Arnold look gayer!? The seductive tighty whitey pose or Franco Columbu in his bed!?

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#13.  Jean-Claude Van Damme Strikes a Pretty Pose

 

117 Comments

  1. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Not gay?  The lies continue.

  2. Roadrash Hicks

    November 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    “Basically, what we have here”

  3. LizSetsFire

    November 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Oh fez.

  4. SkoobaDoo

    November 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Fez isn’t doing very well with this live read.

  5. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Juicy

  6. queenelisabeth

    November 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I’m sorry but McQueen doesn’t look gay..ever ever ever

    • jerkaruso

      November 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

      @queenelisabeth I beg to differ. Did you see that picture above?

  7. LizSetsFire

    November 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    This should have been named Fez’s wishlist.

  8. edrooney

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    None of these F-words are F words?

  9. SkoobaDoo

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Basically

  10. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    So, Fez lied again?

  11. Rich from Buffalo

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    geez, fez…isn’t pointing out that someone looks gay stereotyping homosexuals?!

    • jerkaruso

      November 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

      @Rich from Buffalo Yeah but these guys look gay as shit.

  12. Recyclerz

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I feel a little uncomfortable looking as Fez’s jack material.  Does that make me a homophobe?

  13. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I know Fez put a lot of work into this list, but I don’t think it’s going to hit home with a lot of listeners.

    • SkoobaDoo

      November 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

      Oh literal Narc Zito!

      • Narc Zito

        November 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

        @SkoobaDoo I could have been a little meaner.  I just didn’t feel like it today.

  14. SkippyInNiagaraFalls

    November 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Basically what we have here is a verbal crutch.

  15. filler

    November 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    the 2:00 yeeeeuuch!

  16. Recyclerz

    November 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    I feel a little uncomfortable looking at Fez’s jack material.  Does that mean I’m a homophobe?

  17. Scott From Jersey

    November 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Fruity bastards

  18. DeathProof

    November 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Red rose tea! Red rose! Red rose!

  19. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    The only reason he left off Jack Palance is because he saw the jack jokes in advance.

  20. jerkstoresean

    November 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    I just started listening like 2 and a half years ago. Hicks is the gay guy that pipes up every now and again right?

    • DeathProof

      November 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      @jerkstoresean No, he’s the giggling ash tray with a pill habit.

    • SkoobaDoo

      November 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      @jerkstoresean Do you mean Chris “Pepper” Hicks?

      • turfgrass64

        November 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

        @SkoobaDoo  @jerkstoresean No, Chris “Pepper” Stanley

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

        @turfgrass64  @SkoobaDoo  @jerkstoresean You mean, Chris “Pepper Hicks” Stanley? He’s the guy with the kegerator that jacks to LiveLeak and chugs PBR and Titos? Love that guy!

    • Narc Zito

      November 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      @jerkstoresean Basically.

  21. Docintoxicated

    November 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Zack Braff in everything.

  22. BigMike2012

    November 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Jebes Christ………………

  23. SkoobaDoo

    November 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Count so far… 7 “basically’s” and 3 “what we have’s”

  24. DeathProof

    November 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Well my Thanksgiving is ruined!

  25. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Least this is a good “batch”

  26. LizSetsFire

    November 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    If fez wants to bring the 3:00 snack back why didn’t he just say so?

  27. Docintoxicated

    November 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Where are all the shirtless Tim Tebow picks?

  28. jerkaruso

    November 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    I’m certain Van Damme is gay

  29. RichKoski

    November 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    I didn’t naked was gay.

  30. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Fez should have captioned these.

    • Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D

      November 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

      @harlequincy What you mean like ‘Indiana Jones and the Bikini of Doom’?

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

        @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Any Which Way but Loose…Butthole

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Regarding Henry’s Balls

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Time Cop a Feel

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Dirty Harry Cocks

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Hairy Dirty

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Cannon BALLS

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

        Queer and Present Danger

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Queer and Present Danger

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Smokey and the Ass Bandit

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

        @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Queermando

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

        @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Spartacus (That’s gay enough)

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

        @BrendanQ  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy A-COCK-alypse Now

      • Pool Keepers Son

        November 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

        @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Jackinator II

      • Mikfin

        November 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

        @Pool Keepers Son  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy A Streetcar Named Desire

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

        @Mikfin  @Pool Keepers Son  @BrendanQ  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Last Action Queero

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Mikfin  @Pool Keepers Son  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy PLAY BITCH TITS FOR ME

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Mikfin  @Pool Keepers Son  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy In The Anus Jones

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Mikfin  @Pool Keepers Son  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy PLAY BITCH TITS FOR ME

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

        @jerkaruso  @Mikfin  @Pool Keepers Son  @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Pride of the Yankers

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

        @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Marky Mark and the Fucky Butts.

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

        @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Man Who Shot Jizz on the Back of Liberty Valance

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

        @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Turdmaneater

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy A Spoogecar Named Ass Desire.

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Good, The Back and the Thrusty.

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

        @DeathProof  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Turd Ferguson

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

        @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Pappillon that ass.

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

        @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Sexual Predator

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

        @DeathProof  @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Better Headlines

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

        @jerkaruso  @DeathProof  @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Good, The Bad and the pantsless

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

        @jerkaruso  @DeathProof  @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Great Ass-Rape

      • jerkaruso

        November 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

        @BrendanQ  @DeathProof  @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Fist Full of Ball-Hairs

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

        @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @edrooney  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy High Plains Fister

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

        @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Hotel Reacharound.

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

        @edrooney  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Island of Dr. Homo

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

        @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Rapers of the Lost Ass

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm

        @edrooney  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Indiana Jones and The Last Parade

      • edrooney

        November 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

        @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @BrendanQ  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Empire Spanks Ass

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 5:29 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Pull-It

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 5:57 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Queerish Man

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy Fezzy’s Heroes

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 6:01 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy The Cockhog Josey Wales

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 6:25 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy 2 Mules for Brother Fezzy

      • BrendanQ

        November 20, 2012 at 6:27 pm

        @edrooney  @DeathProof  @jerkaruso  @Ronnie-B 4 Prezi-D  @harlequincy 2 Mules For Sister Fezzy

  31. RichKoski

    November 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I didn’t know naked was gay.

  32. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I just coughed up a piece of hair looking at Burt.

  33. CozmikKen

    November 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I heard this homophobic guy on with Ronnie B do a bit where he accused straight Hollywood movie stars of looking gay.

  34. CozmikKen

    November 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Brando straight? Two words. Wally Cox

    • galactictraveler

      November 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      @CozmikKen He he Cox he he !

  35. lunatic_fringe

    November 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    The FBI could probably arrest you just for clicking on this gay ass thread.

  36. turfgrass64

    November 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Basically this is your gay for the day bit…

  37. BadNewsJeff

    November 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    How about a NSFW for christ’s sake?!  A co-worker just walked by and I’m nose-deep in Burt Lancaster’s bush!

    • jerkaruso

      November 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      @BadNewsJeff dreamy

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

        @jerkaruso  @BadNewsJeff Bwahahah!

  38. K Dubya

    November 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    How is this not making fun of gay people?

  39. The RandF Workhorse

    November 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    This would be the mother load of JO material for Fez, unfortunately they are all over the age of 18.

  40. dr freedom sauce

    November 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    i’m all for equality… unless its the 3 o’clock snack

  41. bmqq316

    November 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Is the Duke supporting camel toe?

  42. bmqq316

    November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Is the Duke sporting camel toe?

    • bmqq316

      November 20, 2012 at 4:12 pm

      I guess I could have read the caption…geez!

      • Foggy_Otis

        November 21, 2012 at 9:36 am

        @bmqq316 “camel toe” sounds too girly for the Duke. I prefer “moose knuckle”

  43. galactictraveler

    November 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    This is Fez’s spank reel !

    • John in va

      November 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm

      @galactictraveler lololol thats gota be the line of the day You had me laughing my ass off lolol

  44. Oprahs moose knuckle

    November 20, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    The duke doesn’t have a camel toe, he has a moose knuckle. I’ve been waiting a year to mention a moose knuckle in a post.

  45. FLprodivider66

    November 20, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Dammit Fez, you know you’re wrong for this! I feel like I’m getting “gayness” pushed upon me and I don’t own any Banana Butt Lube!!?

  46. Pepper Roadrash Hanson

    November 20, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Gay Fez saids what?…Nothing he’s locked up.
    Stand alone fruit.

  47. Gunner

    November 20, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Thank goodness this isn’t gay, I’d have a hard time explaining my erection if it was.

  48. cal5000

    November 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Its fitting that Fez can discuss Gay Theory instead of actual gayness.

  49. SkilledDayLabor

    November 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    You mean just gay guys right

  50. Christene Mcculloch

    November 24, 2012 at 2:45 am

    Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that.

  51. @iSmellBit

    September 19, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Some homo

  52. Dear Fuckles

    September 19, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    All homo

  53. bobneedsmoney

    September 19, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Short shorts on Clint? Has it been so long that people forget thats what shorts used to look like on men? This is just Fezs wet dream because they all remind him of his father except they were really men.

  54. queenelisabeth

    September 19, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    BadNewsJeff I’m crying I’m laughing so hard at this comment

  55. SAUCE BOSS

    September 19, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Where’s Shelby?

  56. SAUCE BOSS

    September 19, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Van Damme is French so that doesn’t count

  57. Dear Fuckles

    September 19, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Clit Eastwood

  58. SLEEPYDOG

    October 30, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    Mark Wahlberg.is gay