St. Petersburg is the Saddest City in the Country!? How Sad Is It!?


Men’s Health Magazine recently declared the hometown of Fez Marie Whatley to be America’s #1 Frown Town.  The study was based on suicide rates, unemployment rates, number of households using antidepressants, and polls recording number of people feeling down.  The result?

We put America on the therapist’s couch and discovered that not only is St. Petersburg our Saddest City, but Florida in general seems to be a depressing place to live.

Of course, this information shed’s new light on our Fezzy Brown Cartoon.  So we decided to have a whole new caption contest, so you can tell us, why is Fezzie Brown, (and all of St Pete) so sad?

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CONGRATULATIONS TO Adam Patterson, who won the  caption contest with his submission, “All our dads died!”  Adam wins a copy of Physics of the Future, autographed by the author, Dr. Michio Kaku.

 

226 comments
Bob
Bob

i love ron and i cant tell him

Snickersdad40
Snickersdad40

I would ask you to be my cuddle buddy doc, but you keep yanking the damn ball away before I can kick it.

clever nick name
clever nick name

Fresh cut grass and semen smell the same, I don't know which one I'm always smelling when I go to St Pete

Bushdpm
Bushdpm

none of the girls who like to snuggle up watching football have dicks

Lowendmadness
Lowendmadness

"You'd be sad too if you looked like a gay George Lucas!"

Eric Begue
Eric Begue

"It really is a...stand...alone...fruit!?!?!?"

ShowerBench
ShowerBench

I don't know why I can't get out of bed now..My childhood was enchanted - weekly visits to the Webb's City cafeteria, vacations at the North Shore dime beach and Sunken Gardens....

ShowerBench
ShowerBench

The only time I feel normal is at the Dali Museum

PJA
PJA

St. Pete is so sad because Ron Bennington left.

shrekkalove
shrekkalove

It's too late for me, but I really want to try to save Holly.

Jare215th
Jare215th

But that doesn't leave me enough for oven mitts for my trip to Derby Lane!!

Jare215th
Jare215th

My dad hosed my ass out at the Florida Holocaust Museum

JP
JP

Lucy, you're just like all my other shrinks - so happy to take my money. I can't understand why I'm not getting better.

Whitey Brown
Whitey Brown

Is that asking too much!? I just want stay in, nest on couch and watch the Bucs!

Serani
Serani

Having a right thumb like this would make anyone want to kill themselves

lilshcmuck
lilshcmuck

good grief, bad grief...nothing but grief, whaaaaaaa!

7-iron
7-iron

when i was this big uncle sandusky used to take me on trips..i remember my butt used to hurt and my breath smelled like chlorox..can you tell me what that means????

EdFromJersey
EdFromJersey

The sadness trickles down from Pinellas Park

Scot Desort
Scot Desort

my favorite part of this is the cartoon of Fezzie :)

Jason From Jersey
Jason From Jersey

AND THEN RON FARTED SO LOUD THAT IT WOKE UP EVERYONE IN THE ROOM

PWS
PWS

Oh my god, my left arm is 30% shorter than my right arm, and my fingers look like little tiny baby wombat cocks!

Bmay185
Bmay185

And the Cane Pole Gang sodomized me with a stick this big.....and the real trauma was the loss of my Icee

Holly
Holly

Since Terri Schiavo died Pinellas Park just hasn't been the same

PC
PC

I am only sad every day.

Guest
Guest

Fez, - "I just saw a picture that UCB Fred drew of bonnie mcfarlane. Too bad her tits look like hands"

Jeff3883
Jeff3883

I am sad in St. Pete because UCB Fred thinks Charlie Brown has only 4 fingers. He obviously has never seen a Paenuts comic!

S-manvey
S-manvey

Thr sucklord is doing all the drugs and corky is having withdrawl induced seizure now

Queen Elisabeth
Queen Elisabeth

Doc~I can't help it...St Pete is know as "Lock up Town"

75
75

St. Petersburg...More Like Taint Peter Mud.

I am no one.
I am no one.

Since when did KathleneBX become a psychiatrist? I thought she had more fingers than that.

Tom Cassino
Tom Cassino

Tampa/St pete is the winter home of the circus.. and everyone knows clowns are the saddest people

Guest
Guest

Fez, "The sucklord is in studio, too bad studio is key word for my asshole"

gurga
gurga

St. Pete stole'd my damn Foamposits!? Who's your man here!?

Mojohand41
Mojohand41

..so there we were, trapped together in a Smokey Mountain Cabin...snowed in until spring...no food...no supplies...I knew what I had to do: Eat my cuddle pal...fortunately I had plenty of BBQ sauces, as he wasn't a standalone fruit...

Mojohand41
Mojohand41

I once ate a lettuce wrap thissssss big....and then they all laughed at me.

Mojohand41
Mojohand41

Well, Doc... I got a white beard, I have panic attacks, and I'm a virgin.....why can't I meet someone to cuddle with at football games?

PJA
PJA

St. Petersburg is so sad cause all the sports teams are named Tampa

Guest
Guest

Oops, was supposed to be "isn't"