Break Out the Matzoh! Spiderman is a Jew!

'The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Rise Of Electro' Berlin PremiereAndrew Garfield, who plays Spider Man in the rebooted film franchise, told Time Out Magazine that Spiderman is probably Jewish.

“Spiderman is neurotic…Peter Parker is not a simple dude. He can’t just switch off,” Garfield told Time Out. “He ums and ahs about his future because he’s neurotic. He’s Jewish. It’s a defining feature.”

“He’s an over-thinker,” Garfield said. “He never feels like he’s doing enough. And Peter suffers from self-doubt.”
“I hope Jewish people won’t mind the cliché because my father’s Jewish. I have that in me for sure,” Garfield said.

This changes everything. The Green Goblin comes off as a huge racist now.  Here’s the new theme song, sung by fan, Andy in Cleveland.

Here’s the shortlink for sharing:


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  1. rexdart936

    April 17, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Oy Vey!

  2. Rerand

    April 17, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Does this mean Hitler was really just intensely arachnophobic?

  3. CigarsAndscotch1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:20 am

    His web traps look like Stars of David.

  4. Vickroy

    April 17, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Dafuq outta here! Mary Jane Parker was a shicksa (sp?) and I don’t remember any sort of discussion about either one converting.

  5. CigarsAndscotch1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:22 am

    His “spidey” senses tingle every time he hears a stock tip.

  6. CigarsAndscotch1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Is he strong? Listen Bub, he drinks Palestinian baby’s blood.

  7. CigarsAndscotch1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Peter “Doesn’t eat” Porker

  8. CigarsAndscotch1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:28 am

    His parents were disappointed that he didn’t grow up to be a “Doctor” Octopus.

  9. Smoky Mountain Cabin

    April 17, 2014 at 11:41 am

    I passover every one of his spiderman movies.

  10. AnthonyLoman

    April 17, 2014 at 11:41 am

    I don’t buy it, he grew up in Queens,  Midewood or Borough Park, plus he went to some shitty public school not Yesheiva.

  11. Busy1

    April 17, 2014 at 11:42 am

    His web shooters are dreidel driven…….

  12. galactictraveler

    April 17, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    This doesn’t seem kosher .

  13. AndyInCleveland

    April 17, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Spiderman, Spiderman,
    Ehhh does whateveh YOU think he can.
    Spins a web, keeps us safe.
    But he neveh touches treif!
    Lecheim! Nice boy that Spiderman.
    Is he strong? What’s he bench?
    Spider sense makes him a mensch!
    All the bad guys he annoys,
    Even loves shiksas and goys.
    Oy vey! Here comes the Spiderman.
    Through Manhattan’s streets,
    He will passover you! (Get it?)
    Such a kosher treat,
    He’s a real super jew!
    Spiderman, Spiderman
    You should be more like Spiderman.
    Stops the villain in his tracks,
    Always calls his mother back!
    Lecheim! Whenever someone’s not nice!
    He’ll put the bad guys on ice!
    He always gets the right price!
    Here comes the Spiderman!!!

  14. Uh Huh

    April 17, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    AndyInCleveland  Uggh

  15. BadNewsJeff

    April 17, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    “He’s an over thinker”…”Peter Parker is not a simple dude”…  “He’s Jewish”. 

    I’m not Jewish.  Does that make me stupid?

  16. loandinasor

    April 17, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Talk amongst yourselves.  I’m verklempt.

  17. Badger1225

    April 17, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Maybe he’s just projecting who he is into the character.

  18. Stilltryingregardless

    April 17, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Hey, somebody check where Andrew Garfield was when Bryan Singer was supposedly manfingering that 17 year old boy.  Revert everything back to its source ASAP!

  19. tost

    April 17, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Fuck Andy in Cleveland.