Not Enough Room in the Lifeboat: Celebrity Chefs


The Celebrity Chef Ship is Sinking, and Uh Oh, There’s Only Room For 3…

Just imagine. four Rock Star Chefs, all on one ship. But oh shit, the ship is sinking. Gordon Ramsay,  Emeril Lagasse, Mario Batali and Bobby Flay are about to go down with the ship. There’s a lifeboat, but there’s only room for three of them. Which culinary super star doesn’t get a seat?

 

* * *

* * *

76 Comments

  1. LizSetsFire

    November 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Mario batali. I could never fuck a man that wears crocs.

    • harlequincy

      November 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

      @LizSetsFire voting on sex appeal and not food appeal, interesting.

  2. queenelisabeth

    November 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    the hell with Emeril…I’m with Gordon all the way, I can’t turn down a scotsman

  3. Rich from Buffalo

    November 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    this is an easy one. Ramsay is an a-hole!

  4. sterlingblue

    November 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Ramsay.

  5. SpongeSteve

    November 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    What?! No Guy Fieri?!

    • rhill5512

      November 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      @SpongeSteve Not in the same boat…lol

  6. K Dubya

    November 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    so tough,
     
    Emeril can whip up some nice creole food
     
    Mario will rock out some rustic Italian
     
    Bobby will bring the blue corn southwestern
     
    I am not sure what Gordon is well known for?
     
    Based on that I will toss Gordon

  7. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Bam!…ga bye Emeril

  8. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    A grown ass man still call himself “Bobby” should go!

  9. Heavyset Jeff Bridges

    November 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Gordon Ramsey right off the bat. I can sit n get high with the other 3

  10. RestStopFapper

    November 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I’d rather deal with the asshole than Emeril

  11. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I’ve used recipes from all four.  Impossible question.

  12. ElectricDave

    November 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    How is Wolfgang Puck not on here?! He is the OG

  13. Stinkyderson

    November 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    No way Emril is safe.  Best steak I ever had in Las Vegas of all places.  One of the best meals we ever had too in New Orleans just a month ago.  Amazing restaurants.

  14. AaronInDunedin

    November 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Throw them all off, I’m keeping the Cajun Chef.

  15. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Where’s Elzar?

  16. Recyclerz

    November 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Since I’ve never eaten at one of his restaurants and he plays an asshole on TV, piss off Ramay.

  17. jerkstoresean

    November 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Mario Batali is a smug cunt. Toss his fat ginger to the sharks

  18. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I’d throw that arrogant douche bag Scott Conant in the sea without hesitation.

  19. OllieInChicago

    November 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    They are all tremendous talents in the kitchen.  Their skills are incredible, so I have to consider other traits.  Gordon Ramsay seems too pompous, so, regrettably, you’re out.

  20. Recyclerz

    November 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Since London was too ridiculously expensive for me and he plays an asshole on TV, I say piss off Ramsay!

  21. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Who has time to worry about the quality of the food when you’re on a lifeboat?

  22. Narc Zito

    November 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I’d toss Joe Bastianich in a second.

  23. BigMike2012

    November 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Ramsay is out. His head is too wrinkly. I wouldn’t be able to eat.

  24. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Those chefs on the Olive Garden commercials always look happy..

  25. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Emeril’s a pedophile…he’s out.

    • ecupirate

      November 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

      @harlequincy BAM

    • K Dubya

      November 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm

      @harlequincy That’s Elmo not Emeril

      • harlequincy

        November 20, 2012 at 2:04 pm

        @K Dubya whoopsie daisy

      • OllieInChicago

        November 20, 2012 at 2:05 pm

        @harlequincy  @K Dubya I’d like you’s to meet the son of Priest Vallon.

      • harlequincy

        November 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

        @OllieInChicago  @K Dubya Bill Cutting makes it into the lifeboat

      • Docintoxicated

        November 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

        @K Dubya  @harlequincy what about the ep where Emeril tells you the best flavors of pedialite and juicy juice to covert up the “gross medicine taste” of roofies?

  26. edrooney

    November 20, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I ate at Eataly in August and it was terrific.  Cheerio Gordie Ramrod.

  27. p_eric

    November 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Those horrendous shoes and befriending Gweneth are enough for me – see ya, Mario!

  28. ecupirate

    November 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Are the votes against Gordon because he is a cunt? well plays a cunt in his reality shows

  29. OP4

    November 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Someday when I’m rich, I could make this choice.

  30. J Bradley

    November 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Bobby Flay had that show where he showed up and tried to out cook other chefs for no reason other than to be a dick.
    Bye Dick.

  31. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Fez was actually voting on who would less likely give him a hand job under a blanket.

  32. ElectricDave

    November 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I think Rick Bayless did high end southwest food before Bobby

  33. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    HTG in 2016

    • John in va

      November 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

      @harlequincy wth did crazy jen disappear to. Last time i heard and talked to her was 2008 before my troubles started

  34. ElectricDave

    November 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Marco Pierre White and Wolfgang Puck should be on this list

  35. sharadoc

    November 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    HTG is totally right! Emeril is the least interesting to watch cook, his food is derivative and the whole “BAM” thing is totally annoying. Gordon is totally sexy.

  36. Aria Taint

    November 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    How about Iron Chefs (Japanese version not US)

  37. MosquitoFarmer

    November 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Mario is a Whale and should not have a problem swimming.

  38. Docintoxicated

    November 20, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Hands down Emeril is out, he’s by far the worst person on the list. Just look at his recipes and his lack of culinary no how. His pairings suck as well.
     
    Bring me a real chef like Jacques Pepin and all these fuckers are off the boat.
     
    Marco Pierre White would destroy all these guys (in fact ramsay and mario worked in his restaurants)
     
    Of course you have to bring in Bourdain just for kicks, personality and taste in music wise he rules.

    • ElectricDave

      November 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm

      @Docintoxicated
       Pepin, White, Keller and Adria kick the shit out of all of them

      • OllieInChicago

        November 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm

        @ElectricDave  @Docintoxicated Grant Achatz is a world class chef.

      • ElectricDave

        November 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

        @OllieInChicago  @Docintoxicated
         Is he still alive? Didn’t he have some serious health issues?

      • OllieInChicago

        November 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

        @ElectricDave  @Docintoxicated If you’re talking about Grant, he is alive.  He did have some major health issues (carcinoma in his mouth), but has been cancer free for a few years now.  He has two great restaurants in Chicago: Alinea, Next and Aviary (bar).  If you’re in Chicago and don’t mind spending a ton of cash on dinner, check them out.

      • OllieInChicago

        November 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

        @ElectricDave  @Docintoxicated Have you been to The French Laundry?

    • Docintoxicated

      November 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      I remember years ago when I was still a chef my friends (also chefs) and I had a game where we’d put on Emeril and drink every time he mispronounced the name of something. Tough game.
       
      “ah got these lioness potatoes here and we’re gonna soutay them”

  39. c_ocobean

    November 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    wow! this was a good one. they can all cook their balls off. sorry Legasse

  40. DeathProof

    November 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Hey I can post again! I couldn’t for three days!

    • Narc Zito

      November 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm

      @DeathProof Welcome back, buddy.

      • DeathProof

        November 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

        @Narc Zito There was some weird Java update that messed everything up here. Damn it Sun Micro Systems!

    • Foggy_Otis

      November 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm

  41. jerkstoresean

    November 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Maybe I’d keep Mario. Cause He’s got that face you just want to punch. And it could be a long trip in the lifeboat

  42. DeathProof

    November 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I’m surprised they all haven’t overdosed on coke yet!

  43. harlequincy

    November 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Who wins in a tag match Ramsay & Legasse vs Batali & Flay?

  44. don d.

    November 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    as a former chef…fuck that lady chef if your food sucks in the kitchen or if your slow, messy, disorganised etc… you are a shoemaker and should get the fuck off the line and you will get yelled at…fuck that chick go make your shitty mac an cheese an hotdishes for your yokel tourists…bye bobby only on experience….every chef ive met…massive respect for ramsey

  45. Pool Keepers Son

    November 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    My vote is for sale, my vote for your sole

  46. Docintoxicated

    November 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    But can any of these guys make a forever cassarole with twinkies, spam, and spaghetti o’s?

  47. Absurdist

    November 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I’d keep all 4 of these guys and strap the ever arrogant Alton Brown under the boat to add some buoyancy.

  48. yotaruvegeta

    November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I’m shocked that Ramsay got kicked. He definitely belongs on there more than Emeril. I love a fucking foulmouthed chef, and he whips horrific restaurants into at least some sort of shape.

  49. caseypickles

    November 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    This is bullshit! Ramsay is getting a raw deal. I got bumped up to business class on Singapore Airlines and had Gordon Ramsay shortribs. They were terrific. Anyone who can make terrific airline food deserves a spot in the lifeboat.

  50. Basket_full_of_lotion

    November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Emeril is off. The other 3 chefs know how to actually fucking cook. Emeril is excellent at running an infomercial.
    I can’t believe 40 percent of you are kicking off a 3 Michelin star chef.

  51. Nice Guy Eddie

    November 20, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    The UK version of Kitchen Nightmares is my favorite cooking related show ever, he’s a great chef. The Chew guy gets my vote.

  52. mascan42

    November 20, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Toss Emeril overboard.  Bam? More like Splash!

  53. JayGrymyr

    November 20, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    I voted off Flay. All four have restaurants here in Vegas, and they’re all good, it’s just that I don’t think Flay is as good as the other three. Also, from what I hear, he’s also the biggest jerk in real life (Ramsay’s character is played up for TV, but he has his soft side).

  54. Rich G

    November 21, 2012 at 12:01 am

    toss them all. much too pretentious for my liking

  55. TheMeebs

    November 21, 2012 at 1:59 am

    How bout we toss all these fuckers off and just bring Anthony Bourdain?

  56. Scott_Chandwater

    November 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

    emeril out, bourdain in. maybe he’ll have some acid.

  57. Livia Labbe

    November 27, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Which culinary super star doesn’t get a seat?

  58. JonnyKozicz

    July 19, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    on recipes alone i have to kick emeril off.