A Night at Uncivil Union: Comedy For Equality

uncivil union

Friday night was the big gay event of the New York Comedy Festival. The evening was called Uncivil Union: Comedy For Equality. It was held at the Bell House in Brooklyn. The night featured an incredible line up of comedians, both gay and straight, including Rhea Butcher, Jim Gaffigan, Reggie Watts, Cameron Esposito and James Adomian. These are very talented people that I had either met on the Ron and Fez Show, Unmasked or heard about on the Interrobang.com

Like most things with me, the show sounded amazing when I heard about it, but then there comes the reality of actually going to it. Uncivil Union seemed right up my alley. I wanted to see some gay comedians in action. These are people who at some point in their lives, went through a similar experience as me, but they’re also turning it into comedy. My “coming out” hasn’t been an easy time (read more here). It took me years to get up the nerve to do it in the first place and since then, I’ve still felt like an outsider among other gays. I have trouble talking and meeting people. And for the most part, really feel like I don’t fit in with gay people at all.

The night was for a good cause. It benefited The Ally Coalition and New Alternatives, both are charities that help with gay homeless kids who are forced on the streets with no place to go. And on a more selfish note, I thought here’s a chance to mingle with a gay crowd in a fun and funny environment. I got my VIP ticket and was excited about going, right up until the afternoon of the show.

With my panic disorder, I don’t travel well. Even if it is just a subway ride between boroughs in New York. In my mind, I might as well have had to sneak into North Korea to see gay comedy. I could count the amount of times I’ve been to Brooklyn on one hand since I’ve lived in NYC. I could amputate a couple of fingers and still count the amount of times I’ve been to Brooklyn on one hand since I’ve lived in NYC. I wasn’t getting a car service because that meant traveling over a bridge. Another big phobia. The ride to Brooklyn on the F train wasn’t going to be easy. I found out I had to take two trains to get there. Like any person, that put me in a blind panic. Before I could get on other train, it was half a Xanex time. I hadn’t taken one in over a year. But it was either that or live the rest of my life in a Brooklyn subway station.

When I found my way to the Bell House, the show was probably still about 20 minutes from starting and the half a Xanex was doing nothing for me. As I walked in, I thought, okay tonight I can just mingle and meet some people. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. When I walked in the door, the place was filled with great looking gay people from Brooklyn and all (slightly) younger than me. The paranoia and the feeling of not belonging came zooming in. To me, everyone of them had a look of, “I hope Nutsy with the big mustache doesn’t stand next to me during the show”. I checked in and asked for the VIP section. I was told I needed a special wrist band for that. So, that meant going back to the ticket office and telling the gay guy working there that he made a mistake and didn’t give me a wristband for the VIP section. I debated doing this for a few minutes before finally getting the nerve to talk to the gay man who was paid to be there and talk to people. As I got to my seat, I realized mingling was out of the question. I was at a table by myself and no other gay people around me. The only other people in the section were a straight couple who only had eyes for each other. I was penned off from the huge crowd there and was mentally and literally isolated again.

Rhea Butcher was the first comedian up, opening the show. She’s a lesbian comedian and her last name is “Butcher”. I’m not pointing out something that she and the audience didn’t already know, but my panic kicked in again immediately. But this time for her. Now in my mind, I know she’s a professional comedian who’s a lesbian at a gay comedy show with a capacity filled gay audience. She couldn’t be more out of danger if she was locked in Ellen’s safe room. But my fears ran amok for her. I worried about her being accepted. Was the crowd going to hate her for being a short haired lesbian talking about being gay? As you can guess, they didn’t. I was actually relieved how much the crowd loved her and that she didn’t feel any of the rejection that I constantly worry about.

Uncivil_Union_James_Adomian,_FezRhea was followed by Jim Gaffigan. Now, if you were playing “One of these things is not like the others”, here’s your obvious answer. I was so thrilled to see this great comedian who is a straight man, married to a woman, a father to a “traditional” family and a comedy hero to middle America appear on the stage at the Bell House. Jim Gaffigan is someone who could pick a spot for anywhere he wanted to be at the New York Comedy Festival and he chose to come to Brooklyn on a Friday night to be part of a gay benefit. He will always be a favorite of mine.  Jim didn’t try to cater to the gay audience or pat himself on the back for being there, even though he was a huge part of the draw to pack the place out. Jim simply remarked that he’s not gay. And that’s because he can’t get in shape for it. He also said that with his blonde hair and straight look, he’s exactly who Hitler would want at this show. From there he talked about something that everyone in the room had in common, living in New York. Jim Gaffigan was only on stage for about 15 minutes. But it was more than enough to show the compassion the man had for a cause that he thinks is important.

When Comedy Bang Bang’s Reggie Watts came out on stage, the crowd already loved him before he was even finished setting up to perform. He made sure it was an all inclusive show by welcoming the LGBT-H crowd with the “H” standing for heterosexuals. Reggie included the straights in the community so they didn’t feel left out. Classy move. He also gave a shout out to the “T” part of LGBT, saying it’s not a party without the “T”. It was heart warming to see another A-list comedian appearing on a gay themed show. Reggie Watts is as alternative as you can get in comedy and he was the perfect musical accompaniment for this celebration of an alternative lifestyle.

The fabulous Cameron Esposito followed Reggie Watts with a huge stage presence. And despite some of the fears she has in her life including the dark and someone breaking into her home, (I’m with you there Cameron), she finds a strength in her comedy in talking about her insecurities as a lesbian as well. She openly joked about her relationships, her celebrity girl crushes, (the female Terminator, Kristanna Loken, from “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) and trying to show she has what it takes to be a great lesbian. She likes to drink whiskey neat. Apparently the other girls love that. Cameron’s set may have included her fears and insecurities, but she performs from an amazing place of power.

The headliner for the night was the hysterical James Adomian. This is who I was waiting for all night. I was so excited. I had met James on the Ron and Fez Show. He, like many others, came on the air and became interested in my non-existent gay life. He had told me that I should come out to one of his shows when he was in New York. I thought this is the perfect chance to see him. A gay man performing comedy. I’ve struggled so much with this, trying to see the humorous side of my gay life instead of the panic and the overwhelming fear of rejection.  James was hilarious. He did impressions you rarely see or hear, like Eddie Pepitone, Louis CK and Teddy Roosevelt. Then came a moment that took me back. James Adomian used the “other F-word” on stage. I felt like I got kicked. I looked around the audience. No negative reaction. No turning on James. No gasps. I had no idea where this was going.

As he proceeded, James wasn’t condoning the word or throwing it out there casually. He said the other F-word, to explain how there was a time in our history when that word wasn’t freely used in the media of the time. He talked about back when if a movie character was obvious gay, he couldn’t be described that way. And other phrases and descriptions had to be used in polite society as opposed to the vulgar other F-word. His examples included “A man of a certain distinction” and “A lad with a long handshake”. At one point, I was both relieved when I realized James Adomian wasn’t going to keep using the word throughout his act and also feeling isolated for seemingly being the only person in the the theater feeling gut punched from hearing it in the first place.

After the show, I was escorted backstage where James, Cameron and Rhea Butcher were doing a meet & greet. I talked to the ladies first and told them how wonderful I thought their performances were.  Then I was walking over to talk to James. For as many times as I feel like my mind freezes up and I can’t think of anything, there are times where it rockets off to Fantasy Land. In the short moment between talking to Cameron and Rhea and walking over to James, my mind went at lightning speed to a place where James Adomian greets me, asks me what I’m doing now that the show’s over, invites me out with wonderful funny gay guys that he knows, I hit it off with one of them, find a soul mate, and the whole experience gives me the confidence to move on from all my anxieties, and then decades later, we tell our other gay friends the funny story of how we met at after a James Adomian show.

I got the incredibly warm welcome and a kiss on the cheek “hello” from James. But that’s as far as the fantasy went. There was no gays only after-party in Brooklyn. Instead I was headed back to Manhattan. I was feeling pretty good about myself for making it to the show and doing something in the gay community. Even if it was with a lot of  anxiety and half a Xanex. That good feeling didn’t get much time to set in.

After saying goodbye, I was able to find my way back to the subway station late at night. That’s where my metro card didn’t have sufficient fare on it for the train ride back to Manhattan. And the station didn’t have an attendant or an MTA machine. I was back on a dark Brooklyn street in a panic, trying to find a cab and fearing that I would be stuck there forever or at least until I was abducted and murdered. In case you were wondering, I lived and made it home.

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Fez Whatley
Fez Whatley
Fez Whatley was half of the Ron and Fez Show for 17 years . After playing a gay character while insisting he was straight for over 20 years, Fez Whatley came out to a national audience on the Ron & Fez Show on February 24, 2012. The classic radio story of a gay man playing a straight man playing a gay man. He announced his retirement on April 1, 2015 and since then has been living a private life but occasionally pops his head out of his Florida rabbit hole.