Here’s a Criminal’s To-Do List

evan dorseyA 25 year old man who was busted for breaking and entering had a to do list on him that the police found. Here were that days goals:

Goals for Friday 3/24/13(Friday was the 22nd)

  • find crystal meth
  • get a gold watch
  • do a B&E or rob a dealer
  • sell drugs
  • get coke
  • do one altruistic act for a stranger

At least this guy was organized. Since they didn’t find any meth, drugs, or coke on him we can assume this list is unfinished. Once he gets out he has a lot of work to do.




  1. dirtyleft

    March 26, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    Hes the perp with a heart o’ gold.

  2. SarahMcPants

    March 26, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    You have to keep it concise enough to fit on a hat. Like Whokid’s fuck bitches, get money.

    • tripleogtim

      March 26, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      @SarahMcPants I believe its pronounced whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo kid

      • SarahMcPants

        March 26, 2013 at 9:56 pm

        @tripleogtim You may have noticed I wasn’t actually saying it out loud, so pronunciation is sort of irrelevant but thanks for the input.

      • FLprodivider66

        March 26, 2013 at 11:07 pm

        @SarahMcPants…SarahMcSmartyPants??…I’ll give you 100 likes to change your name to that! Haha…Ronnie DID say on the air that he thought your name was longer!? That one kinda fits! :))

      • SarahMcPants

        March 26, 2013 at 11:17 pm

        @FLprodivider66 Lol, my twitter name is Sarahmcpants so Im trying to just use one name. It made my day that Ron remembered me though, and that Dave called me pal even though it was out of his anger that I made fun of combos. And lets be honest, youre gonna give me 100 more likes anyway! :-p 😉

  3. Mikeflanagan79

    March 26, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    You gotta start your list with a pretty easy task you can cross off early, builds momentum for the day.

    • turfgrass64

      March 26, 2013 at 9:19 pm

       Well he was in Boston, finding meth probably wasn’t that difficult.

      • Gunner

        March 26, 2013 at 9:24 pm

        @turfgrass64 @Mikeflanagan79 if he is in the USA it’s not too hard to find meth

  4. sidwasout

    March 26, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    He really needs to focus. He can break into a dealer’s place, steal his gold watch, meth, and coke, and he’s nearly done. The rest is easy.

  5. JonNockels

    March 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Baby steps. That’s the only way to accomplish your goals. Take it easy next time.

  6. Vickroy

    March 26, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    He needs to invest in a meth detector.

  7. Captain Geech

    March 26, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    Little Stan has grown up so fast.

  8. Gunner

    March 26, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    I really hope he got to cross off the stranger one. Doing something nice for a stranger always makes you feel good about yourself.

    • DjKB

      March 26, 2013 at 9:58 pm

       Its like going to confession.. All bad deeds are erased.. 🙂

  9. Shaggyballz74

    March 26, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    wake up
    go to work
    lock up
    get angry about a gay issue
    lock up
    go home
    rub one out to Russian Prison porn
    go to sleep

    • TwizzlesMcNasty

      March 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm

       It is like you know me.

    • turfgrass64

      March 26, 2013 at 9:44 pm

       You forgot, buy homeless kid sandwich.

      • SarahMcPants

        March 26, 2013 at 9:54 pm

        @turfgrass64  I think you mean ‘go on a date.’

      • jayjohnstone

        March 26, 2013 at 10:10 pm

        @turfgrass64  what’s a homeless kid sandwich? ………..forget it, i don’t want to know

    • Henduey

      March 26, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      @Shaggyballz74 That cant be all in one day, can it?

    • jayjohnstone

      March 26, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      @Shaggyballz74   What is a Fez,Alex? I’ll take Interns who play the drums for 500 Alex

    • The Pickle

      March 26, 2013 at 10:30 pm

      @Shaggyballz74 fez would like to take some time to reply to your post but he is to busy doing one of the above.

    • Jeff0015

      March 27, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      @Shaggyballz74 …haha. Leave Ron hanging.

  10. kevgret

    March 26, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    get coke? what’s he got against pepsi?

  11. FLprodivider66

    March 26, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    Seems like a smart enough guy…? 😮

  12. BMFM185

    March 26, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    This was obviously not brought to us by Pepper. No animosity towards Police, and the man was referred to as a “criminal”

  13. elephant_droid

    March 27, 2013 at 1:28 am

    More organized than I am.

  14. runawayralph

    March 27, 2013 at 3:13 am

    He forgot milk .

  15. LukeUsingForce

    March 27, 2013 at 3:18 am

    The “altruistic act” is supposed to balance out the “do a B&E or rob a drug dealer”? Silly criminal, karma isn’t Con-trollable.

  16. ronniebappendix

    March 27, 2013 at 8:04 am

    He stole a Breaking Bad script too.

  17. Morgan McNasty

    March 27, 2013 at 8:26 am

    You gotta have structure.

  18. Aria Taint

    March 27, 2013 at 9:12 am

    If this was Florida what would this list look like?

  19. bmqq316

    March 27, 2013 at 11:20 am

    He’s finally putting all the things he learned from his Tony Robbins tapes into action.

  20. OllieInChicago

    March 27, 2013 at 11:37 am

    I’m surprised ‘altruistic’ is in his vocabulary.  Also, who doesn’t need a gold watch on a random day?

  21. Toin Coss

    March 27, 2013 at 11:44 am

    It was said Best in DodgeBall….I never make Goals.  That way I’m not disappointed when I don’t reach them!

  22. DomLovington

    March 27, 2013 at 11:45 am

    i think get a gold watch and find crystal meth should be switched in order. other then that, i have no complaints with the list

  23. Dark_Humor

    March 27, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    He left Fez off the list.
    Dang Fezzy even that loser doesn’t want you.

  24. Rich the fireman

    March 27, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    He isn’t going to win any citizen of the year awards any time soon, but he may have a future in politics.

  25. Philosaraptor

    March 27, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    It’s all about execution…