They missed the one about the tampon in the bung hole with the string holding back your tally wackier
Are you so goddamned clumsy that you can't keep aluminum foil in the box//drink through a fucking straw/keep track of a giant wooden spoon that you just used literally two minutes ago? If so, use these great life hacks, then kill yourself.
so its wrong to use my buns of steel to crack lobster and crab claws while dining at a 4 or 5 star restaurant?
When you're about to eat a Tastykake Krimpet, put it frosting side down and rub it on a table or other hard surface before you take the plastic off. When you unseal it none of the frosting will be sticking to the plastic.
Aluminum foil - fold the box lid down and hold in your hand as you pull/tear off a piece - the foli can not fall out that way.
Chinese - put it on an actual plate if you need a plate. It's already in a bowl-shaped container, dummy.
Ketchup - squirt it directly into the lid of your burger's box, or onto the foil wrapper.
the greek yogurt thing was demonstrated in the commercial.
soda can - skip the straw, you're not a four year old.
to-go cup - get a napkin. it's not like you can't take a ream of them as you leave the store.
applesauce - see "soda can" above. If you still insist on eating applesauce, why would you want to use the dirty lid as a spoon? just slurp it out of the cup.
To keep a cantaloupe from falling off your dick when you're fucking it, gently place corn-cob skewers on each side to not only give you handles, but much better leverage as well.
@Beer - Also used tampon on a cafteria English muffin
@JoshFromEaston would a nice hard meat stick work? i really enjoy rubbing my meat stick.
@nullzero00 - The straw is essential to keeping our lipstick on for hours and hours
Pretty damn funny. The to-go cup thing kind of contradicts the soda can idea also doesn't it? Your straw will be all willy nilly with no lid.
@nullzero00 i use a drink lid if i need a massive amount of ketchup from those squirt things
@mendoman i prefer fucking watermelons.
i've found using forks is a lot easier than the corn cob skewers to control and stabilize the melon while fucking it.
now that you mention it, what would you suggest for those days that fucking a tree ripened pomegranate is the only way to scratch that itch?
You people are savages. A gentleman will gently warm a canned ham in his sous vide to 99 degrees, make an appropriately sized slice, then make sweet, passionate love. And while forks will work better than corn-cob skewers in this application, your bare hands not only make the encounter more personal, but will leave you with just the right amount of residue to really drive home the proper amount of shame to make the whole experience worthwhile.