Eight Times You’ll Be Thankful You Can Get Comedy In Your Ears

It’s true that with all the advances in the digital universe that you don’t have to leave home as often as you used to. You can work, order groceries, go shopping for shoes, play games with your friends, see a concert — all without leaving the comfort of your desk, surrounded by all the things that make you happy. But you can’t be a total recluse yet. The world still requires you to leave your little nest on occasion, and sometimes it’s downright unpleasant.

Thanks to Audible’s new on demand comedy channel full of great comedy programming to listen to, you can now access brand new comedy, at a moment’s notice, and when you need it most of all, even at times when watching comedy would be impossible. If you can bring your phone with you wherever you’re going, you can listen to great comedy which means you are ready to respond to any comedy emergency. If you think that you won’t actually ever “need” comedy on short notice, you’re wrong.

Here are eight times you might need emergency access to comedy, and be grateful that Audible’s Comedy Channel is just a few clicks away with all the comedy audio you need.

1. Waiting On Line at the DMV. It’s the most obvious time that you need a laugh. We all know that waiting on line at the Division of Motor Vehicles is everyone’s personal hell. No matter what state you live in, the Division of Motor Vehicles is the most bureaucratic, unpleasant, no way to get around it shitty experience. Why does it take forever? Why is everyone so unpleasant and unhelpful there? These are life’s mysteries. But in a building where everyone seems to exist in varying shades of gray, you are going to stand out by being the only person laughing through the entire three hour wait while you listen to the latest episodes of Audible’s comedy series, Sounds Like America. Nobody will know what you’re laughing at, it’s your little secret. That’s the beauty of audio on demand. Keep yourself amused enough that you may let someone cut in front of you while Jackie Kashian teaches you about her Los Angeles, talking with Eddie Pepitone, David Gborie, and Greg Behrendt, and playing comedy about La La Land from Maria Bamford, Christina Pazsitzky, Roy Wood Jr., and more.

2. Cruising at 39,000 Feet. Have you heard the theory that sad movies are even sadder when you watch them on an airplane? They say that men and women are much more likely to cry during an in-flight movie than one they see on the ground. Thank goodness that’s also true for comedy– it’s even funnier when you’re on a plane. And flying isn’t any fun anymore. The golden age of airplane travel is long gone, and now you have nothing but headaches, crying babies, overhead compartments that are too full for your carry-on bag, and never ending delays. When you hear the pilot come on to announce that you’re stuck on the tarmac for another 30 minutes, instead of getting on Twitter to bitch about how awful X Airlines is, grab your phone, lock in to that mobile Wi-Fi and cure your travel depression with comedy. Imagine how much fun it will be to make the other passengers wonder why you’re the only one laughing during heavy turbulence. No need to squint your eyes at some tiny screen, or worry about the glare because your seatmate won’t close the window shade.  You’re in audio country and you can rest your eyes while you enjoy comedy. And while everyone else is shooting pissed off glares at the parents who gave their kid an iPad without headphones as he plays the theme song from his favorite cartoon over and over, you’ll have the look of someone at peace with the universe listening to episodes of The Comedy Show Show with Will Arnett, showcasing the hottest theme comedy shows around the country. Lock into episode one featuring Mark Normand and Matt Ruby’s Schtick or Treat and you’ll be wishing for another delay so you can listen twice.

3. That Funeral You Can’t Get Out Of. Comedy at a funeral? No, we’re not talking about paying your last respects to a family member or close friend. But maybe you feel obligated to put in some face time at the funeral of a co-worker, hopefully Charlie the IT guy who you didn’t know very well, and neither did anyone else. But Linda in accounting asked if you could come because he didn’t have much family or friends. You can’t get away with watching the game, or a tv show. You’ll get caught. But you can listen to comedy and get through this terrible ordeal less painfully.  Now don’t over do it. The It’s not an appropriate time to put on Godfrey’s new comedy special, but who is going to know if you pop in your earbuds and spend some time listening to a quick 15-minute episode of Limelight? Todd Barry hosting a Zombie Apocalypse themed episode might be exactly what you need to get through the service without having an anxiety attack because you don’t really know what you’re doing there in the first place. And if anyone in the office catches you giggling, you can always answer ‘I was just thinking of all the funny things Charlie said over the years, he was something.’

4. Thanksgiving. This is the big one. And if Thanksgiving wasn’t bad enough for your self-esteem, and your nerves, this year will be worse than ever because they’ll all be talking about the ‘T’ word. Trump. While everyone else is arguing, tearing each other apart over politics and other assorted family nightmares, just slip your wireless earbuds in and sneak off to the couch and put on Eugene Mirman’s Hold On where he rudely interrupts his guests to get more information about their classic stories. Or how about listening at the table.  All you have to do is nod and smile when people look at you.  They don’t know you’re listening to Sean Patton’s classic story about getting “whiteout” drunk, or Lisa Lampanelli’s story about the man with too many toes. It will be interesting as everyone else in the family wonders how you got so zen considering last year you threatened to throw the turkey off the roof if your father didn’t stop hassling you about when you were going to grow up and get a real job. How does he stay so chill, they’ll ask. Is it edibles? No, it’s Audible.

5. In the Dentist’s Chair.  Nothing is worse than a trip to the dentist, but you won’t need laughing gas, and you may even be able to skip the Novocaine during your next root canal. Pop on your headphones and grab an episode of Nick Offerman’s Bedtime Stories for Cynics. Or better yet, share it on your Bluetooth speaker. Believe me, the dental hygienist will appreciate it when you not only drown out the sound of the drill, but also your dentist who thinks he’s about to embark on a stand-up career of his own with his hack 1950’s jokes. Go with The Turtle and the Rabbit with Tommy Chong to start. You’ll smile as you drool down your own shirt and it will pass the time while you’re trapped in that chair. You may even agree to come back for your check up.

6. On the Job. Whatever you do for a living, you don’t do it as well as you could because we’re all guilty of using the internet as the ultimate time waster at work. Most of us are also busy getting busted for using the internet to get through the day. No more! While everyone else is getting in trouble for playing Candy Crush, swiping through Tinder during work hours or catching up on Facebook, you can keep your spreadsheet in front of you, and avoid all the headaches of an HR intervention. Because Audible fits nicely in your pocket, right there on your phone and nobody needs to know you’re listening to another episode of Sounds Like America. At least you’re learning something about The Elections with Roy Wood Jr, and you never know when that may come in handy. Like the next time you need to make small talk with the boss. You can’t do that with Candy Crush!

7. A Bris. There’s nothing worse than finding out you are expected to attend a bris for your best friend’s new baby boy. The spread is great- there’s sandwiches, and cake– but the “entertainment” is just awful. You don’t want to know what’s happening to that baby boy, and the best thing you can do is engage in some heavy escapism. This is one time when you do not need a front row seat. Head for the back of the room, away from the baby, and plug into your audio on demand Audible comedy channel. Just don’t get caught laughing. There’s no good way to explain this one. But in case you do, your best bet is to go back to listening to Nick Offerman’s Bedtime Stories. Grab the Goldilocks episode with Maria Bamford. If anyone asks, you’re getting inspiration to share your favorite bedtime story with your friend’s newborn son. He’s going to love this version.

8. Your Favorite Dive Bar. You’re too broke to go out anywhere good and that depresses you. Dating is outrageously expensive, a trip to the movies- even solo is going to run you $40 bucks, and you’ve already spent money on live comedy shows twice this week. Your local dive bar is nice and cheap but man it’s depressing, and the entertainment value of watching the regulars fight in between rounds of pool has worn thin. We just found your perfect solution. Turn your local dive bar into a comedy club by bringing a comedy club- several in fact- in your pocket. Put on another episode of Limelight and it’s just like being at a club, but without the high priced Two Drink Minimum and cover charge. Who knows, you may finally find your comedy soulmate now that you’re not trying so hard to use every shitty pick up line you’ve ever heard on every girl who walks in. Go with the “failure” themed episode hosted by the Sklar Brothers. After all you’re in a dive bar, alone, at night, with headphones on. Prepare to be inspired.

We’ve partnered with Audible this week to cover their new on demand anytime audio comedy content.  Listen on Audible Channels, offering original audio shows, news, comedy and more, exclusively in the Audible app, which you can download right here! Free for Amazon Prime Members and Audible Members or you can purchase a subscription to Audible Channels for $4.95/month. Get a free 30 day trial at audible.com. Read more about Audible Channels here where you can get the best streaming and downloadable comedy audio on demand!

Read more from our week of special coverage with our partners at Audible.