Easy to Understand Petraeus Flowchart

Since the David Petraeus scandal broke, you’ve laughed at the jokes and nodded along while friends gave opinions but it’s time to admit the truth. You have no idea what took place and what the big deal is. Gawker.com has been kind enough to put together a flowchart so you can easily catch up.

Found on gawker.com.


  1. sterlingblue

    November 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    How in the hell did these 2 people graduate from West Point yet could not figure out that e-mail leaves a trail?

  2. Gunner

    November 14, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Why yes that is easy to understand. Know where does Elmo fit in?

    • the jerm

      November 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

      @Gunner If i’m looking at this correctly, the Elmo guy is the shirtless “anonymous” one.

      • Gunner

        November 14, 2012 at 9:47 am

        @the jerm I see, he’s got the hand up his ass!

  3. archg2

    November 14, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Somebody’s got a shit load of arrows pointed at her…

  4. Toin Coss

    November 14, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Take away the pictures and this looks like the diagram of the  Eli Manning scramble and pass to David Tyree in Superbowl 42 (I don’t do Roman Numerals)!?

  5. the jerm

    November 14, 2012 at 9:08 am

    It all makes sense now?

  6. Memphis Mack

    November 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Wish I had an FBI friend that could go through other people’s emails just because I asked. The Patriot Act rules!

    • sidwasout

      November 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

      @Memphis Mack
       I can’t help you with other people’s e-mail, but maybe I can send you a shirtless pic.

  7. CentaurSlayer

    November 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

    So much for pyramid this is AmWays new pentagon scheme

  8. TBVickroy

    November 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Is that a Love Rhombus or a Love Qaudrilateral?

    • sidwasout

      November 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

       Don’t be silly.  It’s obviously a Love Pentagon.  Duh!

  9. kingvape

    November 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

    great pic of eric cantor

  10. kingvape

    November 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

    great pic of eric cantor, im gonna cut it out and put on that ripped bod so showerbench has some right wing nut jack material

  11. SkippyInNiagaraFalls

    November 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

    HELP ME!

  12. kingvape

    November 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    great headshot of eric cantor, im gonna cut it out and put it on that ripped FBI bod so showerbench has some rightwing-nut jack material!

  13. Punk0

    November 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    This is a perfect example of power being an aphrodisiac.  You put Petraeus in a button up shirt with a pocket protector and he wouldn’t make it to the nearest Subway without having his lunch money taken.

    • sidwasout

      November 14, 2012 at 1:39 pm

       Well, he did go to Ranger School, so anyone looking for an easy mark may be in for a bit of a surprise.

      • Punk0

        November 15, 2012 at 8:39 am

        @sidwasout I’m sure he knows how to handle a firearm, but he looks like he got his ranger training at Jellystone Park.  His ass-kicking days are long behind him, and just because someone makes it through ranger training doesn’t mean they are magically a badass.  Maybe he was more formidable when he was younger, but now he looks like he has a hard enough time fighting his uniform in the morning.

      • sidwasout

        November 15, 2012 at 12:42 pm

         I take it you’ve never met anyone who has gone through Ranger School.  It may not be quite at the level of SEAL training, but everyone comes out of it a certified badass.
        Yes, he’s older, but I’ll leave it to you to try to test his abilities in a fight.  Let me know how that works for ya.

  14. yotaruvegeta

    November 14, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    This should’ve been added to the chart:kotaku.com/5959922/this-is-awkward-david-petraeus-is-in-the-next-call-of-duty-as-our-new-secretary-of-defense

  15. madtowntom

    November 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    oh what a tangled web we weave,when first we practice to deceive..no diff than a white trash fam.in apalachia,..just nicer stuff their wearing

  16. the jerm

    November 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Where’s the arrow that links Petraeus and Fez in this big map of LIES!?

  17. kevgret

    November 14, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    God Bless America

  18. Scott_Chandwater

    November 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Easy to Understand Patraeus Fezchart

  19. BadNewsJeff

    November 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    If anything now I’m more confused.  I admit I have week flow chart skills.  As long as nobody got classified info from these horndogs, then not a big deal.  If someone did- very big deal.  God knows China, Russia, and any other countries that want our classified documents can easily come up with good looking women to send over and sex it out of our generals.  I bet cold war-era Russians are kicking themselves today- “All we had to do was send over a good looking woman to be nice to these dorks!”

    • sidwasout

      November 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

       I’m pretty sure the Russians were doing just that.

  20. OP4

    November 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    It missed the blown CIA op in Benghazi buying Libyan weapons for the Syrian rebels while holding AQ prisoners (which Obama claimed the CIA wouldn’t do any more).  Then the Administration didn’t protect the op, let the Ambassador get kidnapped, raped, and killed, and relieved 2 General officers of command for trying to help. 
    Then they blamed some obscure YouTube video. 
    When the whole thing got exposed, Petraeus went under the bus.

  21. zero episteme

    November 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    What about Benghazi?!  What else does Klosterman know?!?!

  22. TemporalGrid

    November 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Where does “covered up story until after the election” fit in?

    • kingvape

      November 14, 2012 at 3:12 pm

      @TemporalGrid Somewhere inbetween “Not Related” and “Wouldn’t Have Fucking Mattered Anyway”

  23. Ziggy Stardust

    November 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I’m waiting for the new hit  “Rock Me General Petraeus” !!

  24. SkoobaDoo

    November 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    What happened in Tampa General?

  25. IggyBoston

    November 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    The director of the CIA cant hide an affair…. There’s something wrong with that.  And the general in charge of Afghanistan doesnt know enough about operational security to not use his personal -government- email address to harass someone?!??

    • TemporalGrid

      November 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm

      @IggyBoston and people want us to believe they could pull off a 9-11 conspiracy

  26. AndreFromCanada

    November 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Instead of arrows they should have used dicks.