Before They Were Comics: Stand Up Comedians Talk About Their First ‘Straight’ Jobs Vol. 2 (Quiz)

Answer: b) washing cars

“My first job in high school that I could drive to was washing cars. I remember it was right before football started, and me and my friend, we got the job together. It was in Florida so it was really very gruelling work.  Wiping the cars down in the sun all day an you had to wear a uniform.  So I remember he quit after maybe the second day and I had this thing in my head where I couldn’t quit anything so I had to work there the entire rest of the summer by myself.”

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Answer: a) Joe Machi

“My first job was working as a busser, buffet runner at a fancy restaurant.  One of the mangers and I did not hit it off very well. I called him a pretty boy to one of the cooks and he told the manager and the manager confronted me and I was like, yes you are a pretty boy. That’s almost a good thing in some circles. And I ended up quitting because I was not available because I purchased tickets to a local tough man contest and if you ever have a chance to go to a tough man contest, you do it.  So that’s how I ended up losing that job.”

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Answer: d) Selling his friends beer for the price of gum.

“First job ever I was in high school.  I was a bag boy at a grocery store. I got moved up to stock boy baby, that’s bragging. Then I got moved up to cashier which was huge because all my friends would come in and I would sell them cases of beer for the price of a pack of gum.  That lasted a couple of weeks until I got busted.”

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Answer: c) Open Mike Eagle

“My first job, I’m a big time rap star now. My first job was actually selling orthopedic womens shoes to people who had trouble walking. And those people as you could imagine their feet didn’t look all that great.  Aside from sales I was a stockroom manager which means I managed a crew of one myself.  I was a stockroom employee and also the stockroom manager.  So when I wasn’t looking at ugly feet all day I was putting away ugly shoes in tight quarters.”

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Answer: d) Bartending at a cop bar

“My first job was bartending at a cop bar in Stoten Massachussetts and it was my first window into police-dom when they would offer me a shift drink when I was 18 years old….and driving and then they told me I could drive through any town  because every town was represented by the police there.  I loved it.”

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Answer: c) Emma Willmann

“My first job was as a high end construction executive recruiter.  I was in college, and I wanted to invent something. So I needed some day job before I blow up as a world famous inventor.  So I go on craigs list, scrolling through ads. I see one that says, in all caps, which is never a good sign for a job, it goes “do you want to make more money than your fellow graduates and show them who’s boss?’ So I was like, yes I do. Click on that. Doesn’t even say what its for, just says go to this address.  I show up. It’s at this really nice office, downtown Boston. I go in, and there’s some guy asking me how much I know about construction. I start lying immediately.  lie lie lie lie lie. I get hired.”

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Answer: b) groundskeeper at a mental hospital

“I was a grounds keeper at a mental hospital. It was pretty interesting because most of the patients were non violent but because I was the new guy I would have to cut the grass in the violent section.  They would have to lock me in, in the grass.”

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Answer: a) Word on the street was they only hired pretty girls

“My first job was at a fast food restaurant called Big T and I really wanted the job there because word on the street was that you had to be pretty for them to hire you. So I got the job and then three months later I gained 50 lbs and had a face full of acne. Two fast food meals a day will do that to you.”

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Answer: d) both a and b

“My first job was actually working at a magazine about ghosts in New Jersey. It was called Weird NJ Magazine and it was the best. I used to drive around taking pictures of haunted places, and dropping magazines off at bookstores.  One time a guy held me at gunpoint in the basement of an abandoned building.  And another time a guy in a swamp said he was going to have sex with me.  It was a really good job. It was really fun. I loved it.”

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Answer: d) Sarah Tollemache

“My first job was, I was a sno cone vendor and I loved it.  And I would still do it today if I could.  If it paid enough. I just sat in a tiny room all day and served sno cones and ate as much sno cones as I wanted.

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Answer: a) Construction in low rent apartments

“My first job ever was I worked in construction on some tear down shitty apartments in Florida i the summer.  It was in high school and I had to lay tile in apartments that had no air conditioning. It was pretty much like prison. And I’m always reminded when, even on the shittiest night, the worst gig in stand up. It’s better than laying tile.”

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Answer: b) Luis J. Gomez

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