Amy Schumer Tells Glamour Crowd “I’m 160lbs and Can Catch a Dick Whenever I Want”


Glamour awards amy schumer

Ring the bell kids, collected another one.  Award, that is.  Last night she showed up to collect a “Trailblazer” award at the Glamour awards and slayed in her acceptance speech earning standing ‘O’ from the Glamour crowd.  The line that will have everyone quoting Schumer all day– “”I’m 160lbs and can catch a dick whenever I want.”   It sounds like a quote from an Inside sketch, but not, this is just Amy running circles around 2015.

Other Amy Schumer lines being passed around the internet today:

“It will be very exciting when what I am doing isn’t trailblazing anymore…but I’m very happy to have gotten this.”

“I’m not nervous, I’m very glamorous. I don’t feel out of place here.”

“My mom told me I didn’t need to shave above my legs above the knee. I basically like Christopher Robin down there.”

and the one that probably won’t get passed around as much…

“Tonight, I had one goal. To take my underwear off at the end of the night and not make it look like I blew my nose on it.”

Let’s be honest.  America may be ready for Amy to catch dick, but they’re not ready for messy panties just yet.

 

 

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18 Comments

  1. galactictraveler

    June 3, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Better check that scale .

  2. The RandF Workhorse

    June 3, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I still like Amy’s stand-up and parts of her show, but they have to stop trying to make her seem sexier than she is.

    She is cute, but stop with the lying.  Back in February she tweeted:
    “I am a size 6 and have no plans of changing. This is it. Stay on or get off. Kisses!”
    Now it is apparent that a size 6 is long gone; she is trying to come across as the confident thick chick, she is only a few lbs away from becoming Lena Dunham.  Please fight the good fight Amy.

  3. cousin_dave

    June 3, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    So I guess she isn’t a size 6

  4. oh_yuck

    June 3, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    What a fucking pig.

  5. Chuck E Cheese

    June 3, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Moooooooooooo

  6. frankie_b

    June 3, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Yeah, fat women are a fetish. Fetishes arent attractive, in any way, to normal people. 

    Amy, you’re still a fucking slob.

  7. ramseph

    June 3, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    No shit! Even 300lb ugly bitches can get dick. Dick is free.

  8. Captain Geech

    June 3, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Can you guys try and shove this fat bitch down our throats just a little bit more? I don’t exactly feel raped yet.

  9. SJW killer

    June 3, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Shut the fuck up fatso.

  10. TBoAtl

    June 3, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Getting really tired of this chick

  11. Dwayne Hoover

    June 3, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    And a head of lettuce when you toss it to her in the water.

  12. mikegrim97

    June 3, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    Stanley weighs 260 and he can catch a duck whenever he wants too

  13. jaywalker

    June 3, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    She ate the shark.

  14. Aria Taint Bennington

    June 4, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Her show’s awful, and she’s really getting into the Hollywood kool-Aid drinking life style.
    She will go the way of every other comic with there own Comedy Central show. Remember Wanda Does it? Neither does anyone else.

  15. Triggerslappy

    June 4, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    I don’t care if she’s 160 or 260 she is annoying. I don’t base my comedic appetite on looks, I just want to laugh not get a fucking hard-on. Melissa McCarthy is not going to win a beauty pageant any time soon but she’s funny.

  16. woudytreez

    August 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    She’s sure not funny.

  17. Eddie 76

    September 30, 2015 at 3:10 am

    Most of you have mom’s or fuck women the look just like her…

  18. Dman8781

    April 6, 2016 at 7:27 pm

    What a vile pig.