St. Petersburg is the Saddest City in the Country!? How Sad Is It!?
Men’s Health Magazine recently declared the hometown of Fez Marie Whatley to be America’s #1 Frown Town. The study was based on suicide rates, unemployment rates, number of households using antidepressants, and polls recording number of people feeling down. The result?
We put America on the therapist’s couch and discovered that not only is St. Petersburg our Saddest City, but Florida in general seems to be a depressing place to live.
Of course, this information shed’s new light on our Fezzy Brown Cartoon. So we decided to have a whole new caption contest, so you can tell us, why is Fezzie Brown, (and all of St Pete) so sad?
CONGRATULATIONS TO Adam Patterson, who won the caption contest with his submission, “All our dads died!” Adam wins a copy of Physics of the Future, autographed by the author, Dr. Michio Kaku.
I would ask you to be my cuddle buddy doc, but you keep yanking the damn ball away before I can kick it.
Fresh cut grass and semen smell the same, I don't know which one I'm always smelling when I go to St Pete
I don't know why I can't get out of bed now..My childhood was enchanted - weekly visits to the Webb's City cafeteria, vacations at the North Shore dime beach and Sunken Gardens....
Lucy, you're just like all my other shrinks - so happy to take my money. I can't understand why I'm not getting better.
when i was this big uncle sandusky used to take me on trips..i remember my butt used to hurt and my breath smelled like chlorox..can you tell me what that means????
Oh my god, my left arm is 30% shorter than my right arm, and my fingers look like little tiny baby wombat cocks!
And the Cane Pole Gang sodomized me with a stick this big.....and the real trauma was the loss of my Icee
Fez, - "I just saw a picture that UCB Fred drew of bonnie mcfarlane. Too bad her tits look like hands"
I am sad in St. Pete because UCB Fred thinks Charlie Brown has only 4 fingers. He obviously has never seen a Paenuts comic!
..so there we were, trapped together in a Smokey Mountain Cabin...snowed in until spring...no food...no supplies...I knew what I had to do: Eat my cuddle pal...fortunately I had plenty of BBQ sauces, as he wasn't a standalone fruit...
Well, Doc... I got a white beard, I have panic attacks, and I'm a virgin.....why can't I meet someone to cuddle with at football games?