Big Dan Soder News, What’s Up With Mark Normand, and A Very Special Post-Heart Attack Column
Jeffrey Gurian is a writer and comedian in New York who loves to Jump Around. Follow his regular column, right here, to find out what’s happening in comedy, and who Jeffrey Gurian ran into this week in and around New York. This week Jeffrey suffered a massive heart attack, and opened up about what happened and how he feels about it. But first he hit up Comedy Juice at Gotham, and a newly renovated New York Comedy Club.
Dan Soder Gets a Showtime Gig, What’s New with Joe Machi, and Why is a Camera Crew Following Mark Normand?
At Comedy Juice I was so glad to see Joe Machi. I hardly get to see him anymore as he’s traveling so much. Joe was excited about the new album he just recorded at The Village Underground. It’s his first album and he’s following the new model of self-releasing it which has worked well for many other comics. Joe will be headlining Carolines for New Years Eve! Dan Soder always kills, and talked about being single again, and how dating is so hard for comics cause we’re all really weird. He’s gonna be a series regular on the upcoming season of Billions on Showtime with Damian Lewis and Paul Giamatti. I asked him what kind of part he plays and he said, … and I quote, … “a loudmouth shithead!”. They just wrapped last week. Filming was in New York, which is very close to here! I asked him if there was a wrap party and he said he had to miss it in order to perform at Zanies in Nashville! That’s the kind of dedication that gets you a recurring role on Billions! He’s also got a one hour special he filmed for Comedy Central which is as yet untitled! Way to go Dan! Chris Gethard was also on the show and I hadn’t seen Chris since Montreal! He got married last year and talked a lot about how much more attractive his wife is than him. They got married at a summer camp and he swears his wife made her entrance on a zip line. He says he looks like he wandered off the cover of a “Land’s End” catalogue.
And Josh Nassar came over to say “Hi” and reminded me that the first time we had ever met was on the Kandy Kruise. Five hundred guys and 1500 girls all from Playboy, Penthouse and Maxim. It was a very sedate cruise as you might imagine. Josh was one of the Playboy comics along with Cort McCown and Sebastian Maniscalco, as if there was any other Sebastian! You probably know Josh from his work on 2 seasons of Sons of Anarchy, and now he’s co-hosting a new show on the Velocity Channel called What’s My Car Worth? And when I asked him why he was chosen to do stuff about car. He said they always ask him to do all kinds of manly man stuff. He also does viral videos one of which already got 13 million views! That’s a lot!
And then Mark Normand came in to close the show being followed by a film crew. Or at least a couple of guys with cameras! They are following him around and filming him for a special project the purpose of which I honestly don’t remember, but I was glad I got the opportunity to say some nice things about him on camera! That’s to counter-balance the things all the other people said!
New York Comedy Club Opens a Second Stage
At New York Comedy Club I caught Alex Carabano’s first headlining gig and helped celebrate the grand opening of their new room, the V Spot Cafe NYCC, which is adjoining the club. Many years before the previous owner tried using that space as a second comedy club. But they didn’t take the time to set it up well like Emilio did. He takes everything to the next level. Emilio and his partner Scott Lindner joined forces with Alex Carabano who owns the V Spot restaurant with his brother to create this new cafe/party space. They built a special serving area, and there’s room for about 50 people plus a stage. And the stage is in a better part of the room than they tried to do before. It’s gonna be a great addition to NY Comedy Club, and now people will be able to order food to their tables. They’ll also use it as a party space and for special events like when Phil Hanley used it to celebrate his Comedy Central special. It will be open from 6 A.M. until at least midnight, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner, and will be serving tapas like food, and very healthy food too, as “V” stands for “vegan.”
My Week Was Cut Short By a Massive Heart Attack
My week started out very much as it usually does. Lots of parties and fun shows. The Interrobang party at Sammy’s Roumanian was a blast. Very intimate and very special. Lots of cholesterol-laden Jewish food with a really funny DJ, Dani Luv, and fun times with Chris Stanley and the whole Bennington crew who were invited too! We even got Sirius XM exec Don Wicklin to sing “Livin’ On A Prayer” and he was incredible! I also went to the SiriusXM Holiday party and a few others.
That was the last normal part of my week. The very next day, I made the time in the midst of my extremely busy week to have a severe heart attack right in the middle of my day! Lemme tell you how it all went down. I had a chiropractor’s appointment at 2:30 P.M. cause my back’s been bothering me. It was pouring rain and I hate going out in the rain so I was thinking of cancelling. Good thing I didn’t, or I might not be here writing this column! Around 1:00 P.M. I started getting a strange feeling in my chest. I had gotten it before. Mostly in the past few weeks, and mostly when walking up three flights of stairs, but it always went away within a few minutes. I actually went to my internist whose specialty is cardiology and had an EKG done just a few weeks ago, and got a clean bill of health. So I wasn’t particularly worried.
I thought it might have been a muscle spasm because I tend to do a lot of pushups, and sometimes overdo it. But by 1:45 it wasn’t going away. I decided to try and make the chiropractor’s appointment thinking that maybe he could relieve the pain. As I walked to the subway, it was getting worse and I was walking in the street rubbing my chest. I had to get to 46th between 5th and 6th and there was no train that would take me close enough. I would have to walk a few blocks either way. I got out at 53rd and 7th and started walking, and the pain was getting worse. I turned down 50th going towards Radio City and saw a bunch of cops in a van. I hesitated walking over, as if I didn’t want to bother anyone unneccessarily, which I have since read is a very common occurence. Being embarrassed to ask for help. And then I came to my senses, and realized that I shouldn’t just die in the street to be polite. I’d feel like such a schmuck! So I knocked on the window and told them I thought I needed help because I was having bad chest pain and might be having a heart attack. They looked at each other like they didn’t know what to do. Then one cop said there was a lot of traffic and that I should just go to a hospital. I asked them where the nearest hospital was and they said they didn’t know. They tried looking it up on their cell phones to no avail and asked me if I had Google Maps and suggested that I download it. I realized that this was getting stupid and told them I’d just try and make my way to a doctor’s office. As I walked away the driver yelled out, “ Do you want me to call an ambulance?: I was like, “ Thanks, I’ll try to get there on my own.” But I could only go another half a block as it was getting worse.
It’s pouring rain and I see a cop directing traffic across from Radio City. I told him I thought I needed an ambulance because of my chest pain, and he didn’t look too interested. He said something into his walkie talkie and a few moments later I asked him if they said they were coming. He said he didn’t call them yet as he had something else to attend to. He asked me to stand off to the side and then he called. A few minutes later a fire engine came, as they are often first responders to chest pain. They jokingly told me to climb into the truck! Then an ambulance appeared. They turned me over to the EMS workers who took me inside, put me on their stretcher and started an IV after asking me lots of questions. But they sat there at the curb, not taking me to a hospital. They did an EKG but the problem I had does not show up on an EKG so they said there was a chance it was not my heart. They sprayed Nitroglycerine under my tongue or as close to under my tongue as they could get as most landed on my lips and cheek and finally proceeded to drive me to Lenox Hill Hospital where my doctor is on staff.
However they drove without the sirens and we sat in traffic for what felt like forever. I asked them why they didn’t use sirens to get me there faster if it could be my heart and they said I didn’t fit the parameters for using a siren. They have certain protocols and that it’s dangerous to go through lights in the rain if they don’t have to. So we took our time and finally got there. They pulled up to the emergency room, and wheeled me out into the rain, and I was getting soaked. Of course the emergency door wouldn’t open and they couldn’t get me in. They wheeled me back out into the rain trying to get the automatic door to respond. Finally one of the guys climbed up and opened the door manually. They were very nice, very attentive and well meaning but I hope they find out what a big mistake they made.
They wheeled me into the emergency room where I layed on a gurney for the next 9 hours! From around 3:15 until midnight. I can’t remember the times exactly but after a while an E.R. doctor came over to see me, and they started me on blood thinners. I was all alone and couldn’t act as my own advocate. They kept asking me on a scale from 1-10 to rate my pain. It stayed at a 7-8 for a long time! After several hours of waiting for a bed in the cardiac unit, one of my daughters arrived and stayed with me. They moved me to what they called a “holding area”. I went through a few different nurses who all told me that if I needed anything to press this button. I pressed, and pressed and every time no one came. I had to yell out to other workers who were sitting around laughing and talking and ask them to call a nurse for me. They acted like I was imposing on them. At some point they told my daughter that I’d be going up soon and she had to get home to her little kids so she left. But they didn’t come for me “soon.” I lay there for another couple of hours until they could get “transport”. Transport meaning a man qualified enough to roll your stretcher from one place in the hospital to another. I don’t know what kind of degree you need for that but it must be a very highly trained position because there are very few of them and it took at least 90 minutes to find a guy to wheel me to my room.
A couple of nice, caring Cardiac Assistants kept coming by during the 9 hours to fill me in on what little they could assess of my situation. At midnight, when I finally got my bed in the cardiac unit, they told me I’d probably need an angiogram in the morning as my situation was looking more serious than they had thought. My “Treponins” kept rising which is an enzyme only released by the heart when it’s damaged. It’s supposed to be 0.001 and mine were 11, then 18 and then 24. It was looking bad. They told me they had a great doctor for me in the morning who’s specialty was doing an angiogram through the radial artery in the wrist as opposed to the groin where most people do it. That sounded good to me. My pain had finally gone and I went to sleep. At 4 A.M. I felt some pain but was afraid to tell anyone, because I didn’t want them to do the procedure in the middle of the night as an emergency. I wanted to wait for the good doctor they told me about. They woke me at 6 for blood tests and luckily my pain was gone. My own doctor dropped by around 7:30 to see me and assure me I was in good hands, but I didn’t get to see the hospital cardiologist until around 9 or so. She too told me it looked more serious than they thought as my “Treponins” continued to rise all night, and she wanted to get me in for the angiogram sooner rather than later. Then she disappeared without coming back to tell me when I would be taken. I called my own doctor and asked him to intervene and find out when they would take me. After several calls back and forth I was told it would be soon. At around 10 A.M. another super qualified transport worker appeared to take me to the OR. They shaved me, and drew on my body making an “X” over my pulse points, and I insisted on meeting the doctor before they put me under. He was great and very friendly and reassuring, and that made all the difference in the world. They strapped my arm to a board, and I asked them when they were going to administer the anesthesia. They told me they already started and should feel it momentarily. The only thing I recall is looking up at the video screens and telling them I felt them working in my heart. I don’t recall much after that.
That evening the doctor who did the angiogram stopped by to tell me how lucky I was. He said I was a miracle. He opened the artery and put in a stent. My own doctor explained to me that the artery I had blocked was the major artery to the heart, the LAD, ( Left Anterior Descending) artery commonly known as “The Widowmaker” because many people don’t even make it to the hospital. When they told me I could go home the next day I couldn’t believe it. I thought they’d keep me for about ten days. They sent me home with a bunch of cardiac leads all stuck to the hair on my chest, because the ones they took off were so painful. I can’t believe what women go through to get waxed! No wonder they’re the stronger sex! I can’t really process what happened to me. It’s still too close and kind of surreal. If I was 95% blocked that doesn’t happen overnight. That means I must have been blocked for years without knowing it. This could have happened at any of the millions of events I’ve been at. The night before I was at the SiriusXM party and two others. All I know is that I’m very grateful to still be here, cause it didn’t have to turn out that way. But it did and according to them I should be back jumping around very soon!
I’m writing this to help me process what happened and also as a warning to anyone who feels something weird to go and have it checked out. If you look at the photos below that were taken just before this incident, I don’t think you would say that I look sick at all or like a guy about to have a massive heart attack! I’m a big believer in prayer and and I thank everyone who had me in their thoughts!
And with that, I’m OUT!!! ( But thank G-d, … only temporarily! LOL)
Jeffrey Gurian is a comedian, writer and all around bon vivant in New York City. Subscribe to his YouTube channel, Comedy Matters TV. Photos below include Jeffrey with Joe Machi, Mark Normand and John Nassar.
Read more comedy news.
Latest posts by Jeffrey Gurian (see all)
- Richard Lewis is Amazing - May 2, 2023
- Jeffrey Gurian Remembers Richard Belzer and Rick Newman - February 23, 2023
- Just for Laughs 40th Anniversary Festival 2022 as Seen By Jeffrey Gurian - August 6, 2022
