15 Unforgettable George Carlin Quotes


[image via georgecarlin.com]

The comedic legend left us on this day in 2008. Here are 15 of the best quotes to remind us of what we’re missing.

Share your favorite Carlin quotes in the comments!


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”


I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.


Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?


One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re tired.


Some people dream of things that never were and ask, “Why not?” Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that shit.


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.



I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.


They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don’t mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.


One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.


The status quo sucks.


Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.


People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.




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Liberty Hardy is a bookseller and Civil War nerd living in Kittery, Maine. She is also a contributing editor for Book Riot and runs Paperback to the Future.


  1. RonsCigar

    June 22, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    One of my personal favorites from George Carlin: http://i.imgur.com/Wd8JW88.png

  2. Binary Daoist

    June 23, 2014 at 1:37 am

    “Because I said so. The first sign of a stupid rule”

  3. Binary Daoist

    June 23, 2014 at 1:38 am

    “Life is a series of dogs”

  4. HIMcDunnough

    June 23, 2014 at 1:54 am

    I like what he said about bicycle helmets.

  5. Binary Daoist

    June 23, 2014 at 9:06 am

    You ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an asshole and anyone driving faster than you is a MANIAC!?

  6. Archbishop Boozebag

    June 23, 2014 at 10:25 am

    You ever notice that people against abortion are people you wouldn’t wanna fuck in the first place ?

  7. royalgrant

    June 23, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    I don’t want to get on the plane. I want to get in the plane.

  8. Impostor

    June 23, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Fuck Mickey Mouse!… Fuck Him In The Asshole With A Big Rubber Dick.

    Then Break it off and beat him with the rest of it.

  9. CamM

    June 23, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    “Greetings, my excellent friends”

  10. Foggy_Otis

    June 23, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    “Georgie, I’m going upstairs to fuck your Grandma.” – George’s Grandfather

  11. EMC

    June 23, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    What happened to, “You can prick your finger, just don’t finger your prick?”

  12. Trelogan

    June 23, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    “If the shoe fits….buy another one just like it”.